The Liam McEneaney Experience

and so he was eating "diet candy."

I said, "Look, you're either on a diet, or you're eating candy, but you can't do both. I mean it's chocolate and sugar, there's nothing diet about that. I can't just say I'm going to lose weight by eating a diet corn dog."

But he told me, "No, each candy has a delicious methamphetamine center."

My bad. That's truly diet candy. It's also a great cure for "sleeping."

* * * * *

Sorry I've been lax about updating my blog, I'm writing for a show on Comedy Central called "Standup Nation with Greg Giraldo," and our season premeire is tonight, (Friday) at 9:00pm. Check it out!

* * * *

APRIL 3rd
"Tell Your Friends!"
at The Lolita Bar
266 Broome St., off of Allen St.
Take the F train to Delancey St.
8:00pm - FREE SHOW

WITH YOUR MC - Baron Vaughn

AND:
Victor Varnado
has been seen on Comedy Central's "Premium Blend" and ABC's "Jimmy Kimmel Live!" He has signed a deal to direct a movie starring Charlie Murphy.

Bryan Tucker
has been seen on Comedy Central's "Premium Blend," and who is a writer for "Saturday Night Live" who has also written for "Chappelle's Show," "The Chris Rock Show," and "MAD TV"

Liam McEneaney
has been seen on Comedy Central's "Premium Blend," and VH1's "Best Week Ever," and a writer for "Standup Nation w/ Greg Giraldo"

Sean Crespo
was a writer for "The National Lampoon Radio Hour"

The Hazzards
have appeared on Comedy Central's "Out on the Edge" hosted by Alan Cumming, and on Comedy Central's "The World Stands Up." Their video "Gay Boyfriend" was an Internet sensation, getting over one million downloads in its first three months live on the InterWeb; it was later remixed as a EuroPop Dance tune, and reached the UK charts at #67, ahead of some crap song by Seal. They played at the Kennedy Center Honors for Steve Martin, and Anne from The Hazzards sang the national anthem before a Red Sox game.

MORE . . .

AND OF COURSE, OUR HOUSE BAND - A Brief View of the Hudson, a folk-rock duo that blows away audiences at every show they play.
Here's what the press has said:
* "BEST FOLK DUO"
"It's rare that we like a band from the first chord. Yet the first time we saw folk duo A Brief View of the Hudson play at the Bowery Poetry Club we were hooked.
Ann Enzminger and Nicholas Nace incorporate many of the best characteristics of both country music and classic rock without sounding derivative...Enzminger is a tiny woman, a hair taller than five feet, but with an opera-trained voice as big and sweet as a bowling ball–size Hershey Kiss. Nace's twangy talk-singing adds a quirky and ear-catching roughness; we crave the combination time and again." - The NY Press
* "It is not often that a band sounds like nothing you've ever heard & still sounds good. That's what you get from A Brief View of the Hudson." - The NY Sun
* "A Brief View of the Hudson features Ann Enzminger's arrestingly powerful vocals, which are well tuned to the duo's graceful songs of indie-folk heartbreak." -Time Out NY

WHAT THE PRESS HAS SAID ABOUT "TELL YOUR FRIENDS!"
* Time Out New York called it a "DON'T MISS" twice now, and said: "With a slew of talented stand-ups . . . and folk-rock duo 'A Brief View of the Hudson,' Liam McEneaney's new show—and 'workout comedy room'—is sure to please."
* The NY Daily News made it a Monday pick of the day.
* AM New York put it in their "Best Bets" section.
* "Editor's Pick!" - clubfreetime.com
* The Onion says, "Though it's pegged as a 'workout room' for comics to test their new(ish) material, Liam McEneaney's weekly show Tell Your Friends flexes enough comedic muscle to pull its weight alongside more established downtown shows. Demetri Martin, Slovin & Allen, and Late Night With Conan O'Brien writer Brian Kiley are among the stand-ups who have squeezed into Lolita's narrow space since the show's debut this summer, alongside the surprisingly tolerable resident folk duo A Brief View of the Hudson."

Produced by Mike Collins & Liam McEneaney

I saw a hipster mom on the street with her little kid who had a mohawk. And I thought, "That's not right. That kid is not old enough to know it looks like an asshole. If it's 12 or 14 and then DECIDES it wants to be the kind of guy I would never hang out with, that's one thing."

* * * * *

I think they should legalize weed, but there should be some kind of test first before you're allowed to smoke weed, like for a driver's license. Like, you should have to write a 5,000 word essay, "Why I Should Be Allowed to Smoke Weed."
And if you write a good essay, then yes, you clearly have enough brain cells to spare.

But if your essay is just, "HEY MAN, SMOKING WEED IS FUN" - then you should be legally reclassified as a vegetable.

* * * * *

I think I want to throw a funeral for myself while I'm still alive. Because my friends can be assholes, and I know that they're going to talk shit about me behind my back.

I went to see my friend Evan the bass player's band play this past weekend. My friend is in a very good band, but the other bands opening for them were not so good.

In fact there was a band that was so terrible that I spent a lot of time complaining to Evan about just how terrible they were.

Afterwards, a member of the band approached me and asked me to sign their mailing list. I politely told him no thanks. Then he asked why I wouldn't sign their mailing list, and I told him that it was because my inbox gets filled with a lot of show e-mails. He then spent the next three minutes trying to get me to sign his mailing list.

I was very nice, despite the fact that he was clearly dicking with me. Here's what should have said:

* "Thanks but I'd rather sit through the surface of a pond in February than sit through another one of your band's sets."

* "You must have hundreds of people on your list. Instead of all those people taking the time to delete your e-mails unread, why not save them some trouble and just delete your e-mails unwritten?"

* "Thanks but I'd rather sit through the toilet seat at Burritoville than another hour of your band's music."

* "Pal, the only hit your band is gonna ever get is the one I give you if you don't leave me alone."

* "Sure, you got a pen? It's 'imachildmolestor@fbi.gov.' It doesn't always work, so if you get a bounceback just send an e-mail with 'imachildmolestor' in the subject line to help@fbi.gov."

* "I would rather sit through a bed of rusty nails than sit through one more second of your shitty band."

MARCH 27th
"Tell Your Friends!"
at The Lolita Bar
266 Broome St., off of Allen St.
Take the F train to Delancey St.
8:00pm - FREE SHOW

WITH YOUR MC - Baron Vaughn

AND:
Sherrod Small
is a regular on VH1's "Best Week Ever," and has been seen on Comedy Central's "Premium Blend," NBC's "Showtime at the Apollo," the Aspen Comedy Festival, and the movie "Comedian."

Tony Camin
is a writer/creator/performer of "The Marijuanalogues," and has been seen on "Late Night w/ Conan O'Brien," "Jimmy Kimmel Live!", "Tough Crowd w/ Colin Quinn," and much more.

Liam McEneaney
has been seen on Comedy Central's "Premium Blend," and VH1's "Best Week Ever," and a writer for "Standup Nation w/ Greg Giraldo"

Rob Paravonian
is a touring national headliner who has been seen on Comedy Central's "Premium Blend" 2x

Jeff Mac
is preparing for his very first TV taping, Comedy Central's new show, "Live @ Gotham."

The O'Debra Twins
are one of the East Village's most daring sketch comedy duos. They are filled with confetti, and are warm as liquid sunshine.

MORE . . .

AND OF COURSE, OUR HOUSE BAND - A Brief View of the Hudson, a folk-rock duo that blows away audiences at every show they play.
Here's what the press has said:
* "BEST FOLK DUO"
"It's rare that we like a band from the first chord. Yet the first time we saw folk duo A Brief View of the Hudson play at the Bowery Poetry Club we were hooked.
Ann Enzminger and Nicholas Nace incorporate many of the best characteristics of both country music and classic rock without sounding derivative...Enzminger is a tiny woman, a hair taller than five feet, but with an opera-trained voice as big and sweet as a bowling ball–size Hershey Kiss. Nace's twangy talk-singing adds a quirky and ear-catching roughness; we crave the combination time and again." - The NY Press
* "It is not often that a band sounds like nothing you've ever heard & still sounds good. That's what you get from A Brief View of the Hudson." - The NY Sun
* "A Brief View of the Hudson features Ann Enzminger's arrestingly powerful vocals, which are well tuned to the duo's graceful songs of indie-folk heartbreak." -Time Out NY

WHAT THE PRESS HAS SAID ABOUT "TELL YOUR FRIENDS!"
* Time Out New York called it a "DON'T MISS" twice now, and said: "With a slew of talented stand-ups . . . and folk-rock duo 'A Brief View of the Hudson,' Liam McEneaney's new show—and 'workout comedy room'—is sure to please."
* The NY Daily News made it a Monday pick of the day.
* AM New York put it in their "Best Bets" section.
* "Editor's Pick!" - clubfreetime.com
* The Onion says, "Though it's pegged as a 'workout room' for comics to test their new(ish) material, Liam McEneaney's weekly show Tell Your Friends flexes enough comedic muscle to pull its weight alongside more established downtown shows. Demetri Martin, Slovin & Allen, and Late Night With Conan O'Brien writer Brian Kiley are among the stand-ups who have squeezed into Lolita's narrow space since the show's debut this summer, alongside the surprisingly tolerable resident folk duo A Brief View of the Hudson."

Produced by Mike Collins & Liam McEneaney

Yesterday, I made a joke on my friend Matt's blog about my Bush making a better President, or band, or flavor of ice cream. I encouraged Ben & Jerry to get on top of it.

Here is Matt's response. Funny stuff.

But I outgrew that, and I'm an adult, so now I have an imaginary sex partner. Just like a big boy, wearing big boy pants.

----------------------

I like the word "lesbian," because it sounds like a creature of myth and fancy.
Like "centaur" or "leprechaun" or "a woman who will love me."

I think a fairy tale about a magical lesbian would be awesome: "And then the lesbian put on her winged Doc Martins, picked up her enchanted hockey stick, and flew off to the magical glades of Park Slope where she would be able to spend the rest of her days organizing the elves into a radical local chapter of Critical Mass, the bicycle activist group."

I also like the word "lesbian" because it refers to a woman who makes out with other women in public.

So I decided to compromise - and do ecstasy. That way, I could do hugs and drugs.

----------------

I should never have money, I'm the kind of person that literally doesn't know what to do when he has any. I turn into a spastic seven year-old:

"Oh look, I have some money in my account. Time to start paying off my student loa- ROBOT DOG? Holy shit! Only seven hundred dollars??!!! I'm buying three!"

MARCH 20th
"Tell Your Friends!"
at The Lolita Bar
266 Broome St., off of Allen St.
Take the F train to Delancey St.
8:00pm - FREE SHOW

WITH YOUR MC - Baron Vaughn

AND:
Brian Kiley
is a writer for "Late Night w/ Conan O'Brien," and he has done stand-up on "Conan," "The Tonight Show," and "The Late Show w/ David Letterman."

Liam McEneaney
has been seen on Comedy Central's "Premium Blend," and VH1's "Best Week Ever," and a writer for "Standup Nation w/ Greg Giraldo"

St. Rev. Jen
has a column on Nerve.com. She a darling of the downtown arts scene, who was recently featured on the cover of the Village Voice's "Voice Choices" section in an article about her open mic, "The Antislam."

Seth Herzog
has been seen all over VH1. You can learn more about Seth here: http://www.villagevoice.com/nyclife/0318,zimmer,43721,15.html

Amanda Melson
is a writer for Comedy Central's "Stand Up Nation with Greg Giraldo."

AND SPECIAL MUSICAL GUEST - Ryan Star
is a touring musician who recently sold out a show at Joe's Pub. In April, he will be spearheading a tour for Alicia Keys' charity.

AND OF COURSE, OUR HOUSE BAND - A Brief View of the Hudson, a folk-rock duo that blows away audiences at every show they play.
Here's what the press has said:
* "BEST FOLK DUO"
"It's rare that we like a band from the first chord. Yet the first time we saw folk duo A Brief View of the Hudson play at the Bowery Poetry Club we were hooked.
Ann Enzminger and Nicholas Nace incorporate many of the best characteristics of both country music and classic rock without sounding derivative...Enzminger is a tiny woman, a hair taller than five feet, but with an opera-trained voice as big and sweet as a bowling ball–size Hershey Kiss. Nace's twangy talk-singing adds a quirky and ear-catching roughness; we crave the combination time and again." - The NY Press
* "It is not often that a band sounds like nothing you've ever heard & still sounds good. That's what you get from A Brief View of the Hudson." - The NY Sun
* "A Brief View of the Hudson features Ann Enzminger's arrestingly powerful vocals, which are well tuned to the duo's graceful songs of indie-folk heartbreak." -Time Out NY

WHAT THE PRESS HAS SAID ABOUT "TELL YOUR FRIENDS!"
* Time Out New York called it a "DON'T MISS" twice now, and said: "With a slew of talented stand-ups . . . and folk-rock duo 'A Brief View of the Hudson,' Liam McEneaney's new show—and 'workout comedy room'—is sure to please."
* The NY Daily News made it a Monday pick of the day.
* AM New York put it in their "Best Bets" section.
* "Editor's Pick!" - clubfreetime.com
* The Onion says, "Though it's pegged as a 'workout room' for comics to test their new(ish) material, Liam McEneaney's weekly show Tell Your Friends flexes enough comedic muscle to pull its weight alongside more established downtown shows. Demetri Martin, Slovin & Allen, and Late Night With Conan O'Brien writer Brian Kiley are among the stand-ups who have squeezed into Lolita's narrow space since the show's debut this summer, alongside the surprisingly tolerable resident folk duo A Brief View of the Hudson."

Produced by Mike Collins & Liam McEneaney

Saturday night, 3am, I'm on my way home from a party in Manhattan's historic and gritty Lower East Side. I decide to head west a few blocks and see if anyone's hanging out late night at the Bowery Poetry. I'd been at a party at a bar in SoHo, but the cops had come and busted it up. That's right, the cops came to a bar, and busted up a party in the private party room. Dude, your parents are so uncool.

The party then moved to a burlesque show at a cabaret space called The Slipper Room. Here's where I start the story. As I'm walking along a dark East Village street, I come across a homeless guy lying in the sidewalk next to some garbage bags. Rats flee the bags as I approach, running over his body. He doesn't move. Old guy, grey hair, bundled up in old thin jackets. I push his shoulder, say "Hey buddy, you okay?" Nothing. I kick his shoe, no motion. Kick it harder, no response.

Now, there's an empty bottle of Jack Daniels next to him, so I know there's a good chance he's just drunk. But at the same time, a story about my grandfather flashes through my mind. See, my grandfather was a diabetic, and I guess he had some attack in broad daylight, collapsed on the street. People walking by him, thinking he's just some old junkie or wino, and no business of there's. Luckily, a nurse came by, recognized what was going on, bought him an orange juice and revived him and he was okay. I heard this story second-hand, but it was such a vivid and scary story that it was like I was there. In fact, I can still imagine all the details to this day.

So I called 911. Told the operator I was at 43 East Second street, between first and second avenues and there was a guy down on the sidewalk. The Lower East Side was filthy with cops that night, just crawling with them. Cop van blocking off Ludlow Street, flashing sirens.

Fifteen minutes later, no cops, although I could see their flashing lights drive by half a block away, off to respond to a hot tip on public urination I'm sure. So I call 911 again. Tell the guy on the other end there's a man lying unconscious, possibly dead, on the sidewalk. Then I make them mistake of telling him I'd called fifteen minutes before. He replies, "SO WHY CALLING AGAIN FOR?" I explain that I"m calling again because it's been fifteen minutes. Then I'm connected to EMS, and NOW I'm told they're going to send an ambulance, but they'll need the address.

As I'm giving the address again - 43 East 2nd street between first and second avenues - Three black guys walk by, on their way home from a long night of drinking. They see the homeless guy and start screaming - "OH SHIT, HE'S DOWN FOR THE COUNT!" and "OH SHIT, NIGGA'S OUT!" and the like.

They walk down the street laughing, and I'm still trying to talk to the EMS lady. Then I get a fourth black guy, straggling behind his compatriots, walk by and scream, "OH SHIT! NIGGA IS LIGHTS OUT! LIGHTS OUT!" And then imitating a ringside referee, screams, "ONE! TWO! THREE! NIGGA IS OUT!"

I hang up with the EMS lady, assured that help is on the way. Meanwhile, all the screaming has woken the homeless guy up, and after he says, "I'm okay I'm just drunk," and pulls himself up into a sitting position. As I'm walking away, assuring myself that even if he isn't near death he still needs help and an ambulance isn't a complete waste of resources, he pulls himself off to the side of the sidewalk, sitting cross-legged.

I approach third avenue, and get a call from the cops - there's nothign at the address I gave them. Shortly, I tell them that if they can't find a homeless guy who is unable to move, I can't help them do their jobs. Approaching the intersection, I fume about incompetence, mentally writing a scathing expose about a police department that can allot so many resources to finding a bar full of smokers, but can't be bothered to find a drunk on the sidewalk who genuinely needs help.

That's when I see the street sign, and that I'd actually been on East First Street.

I don't watch the news on TV, and it's partly because who cares what happens to someone who's not me? I think that if they want to make me car about the news, they should explain the stories in a way that's more personal to me, that applies to me:

* "Today an Amtrak train crashed into a truck, killing 13 people. The truck was carrying loaves of bread that were intended for some delicious sandwiches that Liam McEneaney was going to enjoy."
Then I'd be like, "Oh what a tragedy! All those sandwiches lost!"

* "Today, the first manned space shuttle landed on the surface of Mars. THey're going to install an antenna that will allow Liam to get his cell phone calls inside his own apartment."
"Wow, what a triumph of the human spirit!"

There's a product called "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter!"

The only problem is that it's been on the market for twenty, twenty-five years now. I can't believe that guy still can't believe it's not butter. I just imagine him in the factory eating a spoonful, saying, "Okay, tht's got to be but - what?!! Are you kidding me??!!! Not butter?"

He should be forced to make other products with names of other things he can't believe. Like cookies, whose package says, "I CAN'T BELIEVE IN A WOMAN'S RIGHT TO CHOOSE!"

Or sneakers called "I CAN'T BELIEVE A LOVING GOD WOULD ALLOW SO MUCH VIOLENCE IN THE WORLD!"

Or something else funny.

MARCH 13th
"Tell Your Friends!"
at The Lolita Bar
266 Broome St., off of Allen St.
Take the F train to Delancey St.
8:00pm - FREE SHOW

WITH YOUR MC - Baron Vaughn

AND:
Andy Borowitz
is the creator of "The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air," and his works have appeared in such venues as "The New Yorker," "The New York Times," NPR, CNN, and much more.

Ted Alexandro
has his second "Comedy Central Presents" 1/2-hour special air on March 10. He has also appeared on "The Late Show w/ David Letterman," "Late Night w/ Conan O'Brien," "Jimmy Kimmel Live!," and of course, "The View."

Liam McEneaney
has been seen on Comedy Central's "Premium Blend," and VH1's "Best Week Ever," and a writer for "Friday Night w/ Greg Giraldo"

Sean Conroy
makes a rare NYC appearance. He has been seen on "Late Night w/ Conan O'Brien," and the sitcom "Love Inc.," which he is also a writer of

Josh Comers
is the best NYC comedian to have never appeared on television

AND OF COURSE, OUR HOUSE BAND - A Brief View of the Hudson, a folk-rock duo that blows away audiences at every show they play.
Here's what the press has said:
* "BEST FOLK DUO"
"It's rare that we like a band from the first chord. Yet the first time we saw folk duo A Brief View of the Hudson play at the Bowery Poetry Club we were hooked.
Ann Enzminger and Nicholas Nace incorporate many of the best characteristics of both country music and classic rock without sounding derivative...Enzminger is a tiny woman, a hair taller than five feet, but with an opera-trained voice as big and sweet as a bowling ball–size Hershey Kiss. Nace's twangy talk-singing adds a quirky and ear-catching roughness; we crave the combination time and again." - The NY Press
* "It is not often that a band sounds like nothing you've ever heard & still sounds good. That's what you get from A Brief View of the Hudson." - The NY Sun
* "A Brief View of the Hudson features Ann Enzminger's arrestingly powerful vocals, which are well tuned to the duo's graceful songs of indie-folk heartbreak." -Time Out NY

WHAT THE PRESS HAS SAID ABOUT "TELL YOUR FRIENDS!"
* Time Out New York called it a "DON'T MISS" twice now, and said: "With a slew of talented stand-ups . . . and folk-rock duo 'A Brief View of the Hudson,' Liam McEneaney's new show—and 'workout comedy room'—is sure to please."
* The NY Daily News made it a Monday pick of the day.
* AM New York put it in their "Best Bets" section.
* "Editor's Pick!" - clubfreetime.com
* The Onion says, "Though it's pegged as a 'workout room' for comics to test their new(ish) material, Liam McEneaney's weekly show Tell Your Friends flexes enough comedic muscle to pull its weight alongside more established downtown shows. Demetri Martin, Slovin & Allen, and Late Night With Conan O'Brien writer Brian Kiley are among the stand-ups who have squeezed into Lolita's narrow space since the show's debut this summer, alongside the surprisingly tolerable resident folk duo A Brief View of the Hudson."

Produced by Mike Collins & Liam McEneaney

If I needed another reason to love living in NYC, tonight the subway offered me one.

Now, my favorite recent random-subway-event story is the homeless guy selling copies of The Onion (the satirical newspaper that's given away free on every street corner downtown) on an R train, announcing Street News for sale!" Never mind that it clearly wasn't Street News, or that I haven't seen a Street News offered anywhere in the last seven years.

I watched as a gent in business casual attire drops a big handful of coins into the guys hand. The homeless guy starts to walk away, and Business Casual asks for the copy of "Street News" that he just bought. The homeless guy then has the sheer balls to count the change Business Casual gave him before giving him the giveaway "paper" he had just bought.

Anyway, tonight I get on the F train in Queens and there's two teen Latino guys sharing iPod ear-pods. I'm not sure why this always seems a little gay to me, but it does.

They're listening to bad rock, System of a Down, and I know they are because they're banging their heads in unison and singing at the top of their lungs: "Why’d you leave the keys upon the table?
You wanted to
I don’t think you trust
In, my, self righteous suicide
I, cry, when angels deserve to die, die
Wake up
Grab a brush and put a little (makeup)"
and so on and so forth.

The funniest part - and this is where the foreign guy-across-the-car-with-the-bad-teeth-intermittently-making-out-with-his-girlfriend and I exchanged laughing smiles - was every time the song required them to actually sing, they did it like two strsangled cats competing to see who can sing in the most extremely different key than the other. They were bangin' their heads up and down in unison. They were air-drumming - in unison. They were not gettin' laid - in unison.

They did this from Queens to 34th Street Herald Square.

Then, a guy who had gotten on the stop before and was listening to his own iPod ear-pods watched them get off the train, and then started singing loudly to his music. First it was just scatting and incomprehensible syllables, but after a stop he busted out with this incredibly off-key line: "I'm in looove with a stripper!" He sings this over and over, prompting a cute girl standing, anothewr cute girl sitting, and I to look at each other and laugh. He sings this for a couple more stops, and then I have to get off at Delancey St.

So I was in a coffeeshop on Melrose, waiting on line, and a woman on a cellphone walked past me. She was one of those people who, even though there was plenty of clearance between myself and the nearest table, had to say, "Excuse me," as she walked past.

Then she said, "Oh, I'm in a coffee shop. Philip Seymour Hoffman's here." And I thought, "Well fuck you too bitch. What a weird insult that isn't even really insulting."

I get my coffee and I sit down in a window seat. For some reason, even though it's kinda warm out, the shop has not even put on a fan let alone air conditioning and it's stifling inside. I look out the window wistfully at the occupied outdoor tables, and there, with his back to me is Philip Seymour Hoffman, reading a script. His New York Film Academy t-shirt riding high, his jeans riding low. Yes, Hollywood was truly smiling upon me that day.

After a long while of that view, an outdoor table opened and I nabbed it. Now I'm sitting next to Hoffman. Adjacent to PSH's table are two young guys loudly and aggressively writing a screenplay on their Powerbooks. And I should add, they were writing about the worst screenplay I'd ever heard. A lot of talk about the need to get a shot of a ship leaving orbit, of guns and mercenaries, and the properties of a suit that's theu nderlying theme or somethign like that. One would say, "Our second act climax is when the priest fals on the scaffolding and dies." And the other guy responded, "Our third act opens when she wakes up and finds the billboard with a picture of her holding a shotgun."

Like Hoffman's supposed to stand up and sa, "My God, that's brilliant! I need to make a movie that sounds like every other movie that's ever been made! Let's take a meeting."

After a while, Hoffman left, and they stopped writing and started talking about him. Eventually, they got back to writing, quietly and with a lot less aggressiveness about it. And at first I thought, "Yeah, I may not be big in the industry, but at least I'm not those guys." And then I realized that they were a couple twenty-something guys with longish hair in hoodies writing in a coffee shop, and I on the other hand was a twenty-something guy with longish hair in a hoodie writing in a coffee shop.

It's easy to forget in New York that LA is filled with thousands of people who all want the same small amount of jobs. Yeesh.

So last week I did a show in LA called "Pimp'd," where I had to come up with a set based on a word that the audience had suggested the week before. My word was "Taboo," and I sat down in a coffee shop on Melrose that day and wrote some jokes. The story behind writing the jokes, well that's pretty funny and I'll save that for tomorrow.

In LA, it's taboo not to drive. Telling someone in LA you don't drive is like telling someone in New York you don't drink. Same reaction: "Whaaaat? How do you live?"

Last time I was out here, I took the train to the airport, and let me tell you, the train to the airport is slightly more depressing than the train to Auschwitz.

Homeless peopel are actually scarier in LA I saw a homeless guy on the bus who made me think, "There but for the grace of God - goes Charles Manson."

-

It's taboo to be gay in our society, and the worst part is that society pressures gay teens so much that they end up killing themselves. And society needs to stop doing that to gay teens - and start doing that to Goth teens. Because I accidentally walked into a Goth store on Melrose called "Necromancer," and I look around and realized where I was and managed to simultaniously avoid eye contact with seventeen people at the same time.

-

Incest is taboo, having sex with members of your own family. And I can see why, because it's bad enough I have to have Thanksgiving dinners with those people, I don't also want to get caught in that awkward conversation, "Oh - hey Grandma. Yeah, good to see you again. Look, about the other night, sorry I didn't call you after. I've just been real busy. We should definitely get together some time.Look, I'm kind of seeing someone right n- oh, hey dad."

-

I went home with a woman once who told me that she liked to be tied up and humiliated.

So I tied her hands and feet to her bed, and then I left her apartment.
And when I got home, I called the cops and told them that there was a woman being robbed and kidnapped and gave them her address.
And then I called the local news and told them that the cops had tied a naked woman to a bed, and told them to send overa camera crew.
And then I called her mom and told her that her daughter had won a beauty contest, and she should watch her on the sox o'clock news.

-

Why is it taboo to fuck a dog, but not to dress it in an identical outfit to yours?

That's way worse. Your dog isn't just fucked - it's fucked.

-

I closed with this old joke I hadn't told in a long time:

I was having an argument with a friend of mine over who the most charismatic man in history was, and he said it was John F. Kennedy.
And yeah, Kennedy was pretty charismatic, but I'd have to say the most charismatic man who ever lived had to have been the first guy to convince his girlfriend to let him take a dump on her face as part of sex.

Because I can barely get a woman to return my phone calls. What did this guy say: "Honey, remember last week you dragged me to the opera, and you said we could do anything I wanted to do?"

at The Lolita Bar
266 Broome St., off of Allen St.
Take the F train to Delancey St.
8:00pm - $5.00

This week, an ecelectic group of performers helps us celebrate the release of the critically acclaimed comics anthology,True Porn 2. A sequel to the anthology that sold out its first two printings, it's a collection of autobiographical sex stories from some of the underground comix scene's best artists. Tonight we celebrate the happy ending of its manual release by cranking out an evening of debauchery, depravation, and quiet nerd lust.

WITH YOUR MC - Ms. Susie Felber

AND:
Belly-dancer Leela Corman!

Burlesque dancer Nasty Canasta!

Comedian/TP2 contributor Liam McEneaney!

Author/porn enthusiast Bob Powers!

Comedian/cartoonist/TP2 contributor Karen Sneider!

And dirty folk songs from Jessica Delfino!

AND OF COURSE, OUR HOUSE BAND - A Brief View of the Hudson, a folk-rock duo that blows away audiences at every show they play.
Here's what the press has said:
* "BEST FOLK DUO"
"It's rare that we like a band from the first chord. Yet the first time we saw folk duo A Brief View of the Hudson play at the Bowery Poetry Club we were hooked.
Ann Enzminger and Nicholas Nace incorporate many of the best characteristics of both country music and classic rock without sounding derivative...Enzminger is a tiny woman, a hair taller than five feet, but with an opera-trained voice as big and sweet as a bowling ball–size Hershey Kiss. Nace's twangy talk-singing adds a quirky and ear-catching roughness; we crave the combination time and again." - The NY Press
* "It is not often that a band sounds like nothing you've ever heard & still sounds good. That's what you get from A Brief View of the Hudson." - The NY Sun
* "A Brief View of the Hudson features Ann Enzminger's arrestingly powerful vocals, which are well tuned to the duo's graceful songs of indie-folk heartbreak." -Time Out NY

WHAT THE PRESS HAS SAID ABOUT "TELL YOUR FRIENDS!"
* Time Out New York called it a "DON'T MISS" twice now, and said: "With a slew of talented stand-ups . . . and folk-rock duo 'A Brief View of the Hudson,' Liam McEneaney's new show—and 'workout comedy room'—is sure to please."
* The NY Daily News made it a Monday pick of the day.
* AM New York put it in their "Best Bets" section.
* "Editor's Pick!" - clubfreetime.com
* The Onion says, "Though it's pegged as a 'workout room' for comics to test their new(ish) material, Liam McEneaney's weekly show Tell Your Friends flexes enough comedic muscle to pull its weight alongside more established downtown shows. Demetri Martin, Slovin & Allen, and Late Night With Conan O'Brien writer Brian Kiley are among the stand-ups who have squeezed into Lolita's narrow space since the show's debut this summer, alongside the surprisingly tolerable resident folk duo A Brief View of the Hudson."

Produced by Liam McEneaney & Robyn Chapman

I'm in LA, and boy oh boy do my new implants hurt.
LOL! ROTLFMAO! SIDEWAYS SMILEY FACE!

Anyway, I'm just checking in to tell you guys that Monday's Podcast show was hella fun, and if you missed it, here's the pictures that the Drink at Work crew took.