The Liam McEneaney Experience

And I will start by saying that my mom was always a good cook. BUT - she was always worried that pork chops were going to give and my sister trichyn - tricch - sickness. So she would cook them until they were the color, shape, and consistency of hockey pucks. Seriously, I once got a splinter in my gums from these things. You dipped them in a glass of water, they wouldn't get wet - they'd just dissolve and make gravy.

You might well ask, "Why bother to make pork chops at ally?" because if she didn't, then pork would win and HER FAMILY WAS GOING TO ENJOY POKR CHOPS WHETHER THEY LIKED IT OR NOT.

Now, it was a night when my father was working late, it was my sister, my mother, and I sitting around the table, staring at our dinner. And my mom gets a phone call, and my sister and I look at each other.

Now, I don't know where my sister got the ping pong ball; I assume it was from a school art project. All I know is, when my mother came back, my sister and I were playing Ping Pong across the table using the pork chops as paddles.

And my mother said, "Do you think that's funny?"

And I said, "Yes."

And she said, "Well, you can go to bed without any dinner."

And we both said, "YAYYY!"

And then she said, "Get back in here. Now you're going not going to not go to bed without not eating - eat the damn pork chops!"

And then she said, "You know, there are starving children in Africe who would be happy to see those pork chops."

And I said, "Why? because they forgot what real food looks like?"

And my mother picked me up over shoulder one-handed like an NFL linebacker and carried me into the living room for a spanking.

That's right, bitches. We've all got Grand Theft Auto IV. Some of you are taking your time exploring the game's vast world. Some of you are there to kick ass and some of you are enjoying the "social satire."

But I, and only I, have pwned all of you by completely finishing GTAIV in a shade under THREE HOURS. And I have the screenshots to prove it. Suck it bitches!

First of all, here's me carjacking an elderly couple right off the bat:



You see that shiz-bit? I'm pointing a gun at those motherfuckers and turning them bitch, just like I'm doing to all of you with my amazing GTAIV SKILLZ SET.

And speaking of shiz-bitches, you gotta look good when you're styling around Liberty City. Which is why I bought me these dope motherfucking pants. I got them for free by killing the cashier, as you can see in this screenshot:



Next I am with my main girl Michele. Some of you fucked her on the second date. Some of you fucked her on the first date. I, and only I, managed to fuck her within ten minutes of meeting her. Enjoy this screen capture:



Of course, you can get caught by the motherfuckin' Russian mafia. I did. Here they are literally beating the shit out of me:



And when you win the game - and believe me when I say I pwned that motherfucker - you get this final screen:



In conclusion, you suck and I rule!