The Liam McEneaney Experience

¡Hola Amigos!

2011-08-25T10:25:00.006-04:00

Been a long time since I rapped at you guys. First of all, yes, I was in the Wall Street Journal this morning. The thing I love about my life, is way more people I know saw me on NY1's "In The Papers" segment than will ever read the WSJ:

*

As for the Tell Your Friends! movie, we will be having a big screening/panel presentation at the Paley Center for Media on Sept. 22nd. More info, plus a discount code, coming soon--if you want to be kept up-to-date on the movie info, I'll add you to that mailing list. Just e-mail me at liam(AT)vanishinggirl(DOT)com.

And to learn more about Tell Your Friends! The Concert Film!, check the website.

NEWS IN THE WORLD OF TELL YOUR FRIENDS! THE CONCERT FILM! and LIAM McENEANEY in general

2011-05-18T19:14:00.002-04:00

If you haven't already, check out this review from Drew 'Moriarty' McWeeny on the popular review site HitFix. He really hits the nail on the head, especially when he talks about how funny I am.

1) June 2nd - 5th: TYF! at THE GOLD COAST INTERNATIONAL FILM FESTIVAL
For all you Tri-Staters who've been asking when there will be a public screening of the movie, well, good news on that front.

'Tell Your Friends! The Concert Film!' will be making its NY-area debut as part of the Gold Coast International Film Festival. We'll be playing in Manhasset, Long Island, at the Clearview Manhasset Theatre, a lovely Art Deco movie palace that was built in 1927.

Showtimes are:
Friday, June 3rd at 3:30pm
Saturday, June 4th at 4:30pm

Tickets and general information are available for sale through the festival website.

ALSO, TYF! is part of a NY Post-sponsored trailer contest through the GCIFF, so please visit this website and vote for our trailer so we can win whatever the prize is for having the best trailer.

2) June 15th: TYF! at THE TBS/JUST FOR LAUGHS CHICAGO FESTIVAL
Also, 'Tell Your Friends! The Concert Film!' has been accepted as part of the film program at the prestigious Just For Laughs comedy festival in Chicago. We'll be screening on Wednesday, June 15th,at 6:00pm, at The Gene Siskel Film Center, with an encore screening after the festival on Saturday, June 25th at 8:00pm.

You can get more info and I believe you can buy tickets at the GSFC website.

3) 'CAROLINE RHEA & FRIENDS' NOW AVAILABLE ON DVD
If you remember, I appeared in March on the Showtime special, 'Caroline Rhea & Friends.' Well, now it's available for you to own on DVD, and you can buy it here on Amazon.

When I checked out the Amazon page, it said that customers who viewed this DVD also viewed a movie called 'All Girl 69 Zone III,' so, you know someone on the cast has crossover appeal to dirtbag perverts (hi, fam!).

FINDING THE THING YOU NEED WHEN YOU NEED IT

2011-05-06T14:44:00.005-04:00

A consequence of living in a building that is now a majority Russian, is that my neighbors tend to leave stuff they don't want in the hallways for others to take. Sometimes there's no way in hell I'm touching it (the tupperware container full of red beans, for instance, or the half-empty box of oatmeal packets), and other times I'll pick it up and give it a try.

Thus, I ended up picking up an old book by Elie Wiesel, called Souls On Fire: Portraits and Legends of the Hasidic Masters. Now, I’m no fan of the Hasidic faith—a lot of my objections boil down to the fact that in the year 2010, if your belief system is flexible enough that you can, say, visit she-male prostitutes, or live in the modern world and drive SUVs, badly, while I’m biking through your neighborhood, but you still have to treat women like second-hand citizens because a shepherd told a story to a guy who wrote a portion of the Old Testament, then you don’t really have what I would call a consistent intellectual foundation for your belief system.

That being said, I have a particular love for all kinds of religious faiths, as they inspire their best and brightest to create complex mythology, to write philosophy, to commit to paper timeless pieces of wisdom that are so universal that they apply as much to my life as they did to some rabbi’s hundreds of years ago.

And thus lies the title of this blog post. There’s many pearls to be plucked from the legends of these Hasidic masters, and perhaps my favorite (which was also Wiesel’s) is, “Man is the language of God.” Even someone like myself, who doesn’t believe in a Heavenly Father, can appreciate the deceptive complexity of that statement.

As with this one: “The rich need the poor more than the poor need the rich. Unfortunately, neither is conscious of it.”

But it was this following passage that really spoke to me, especially right now, when I’m at a crossroads in my comedy career, when after fifteen years things are starting to really pay off in every way but financial, and when I find myself struggling more than I ever have, even when things were much worse for me. The following passage genuinely inspires me, and I plan to print it out and put it up in my apartment where I can see it every day. It’s by one of the great Rabbis of the Hasidic movement, Rabbi Dov Baer, known as “The Maggid of Mezeritch,” (a Magid being a preacher/rabbi)…

Below, I quote Souls On Fire:

To Rebbe Zusia, he gave the following advice:

“Listen, I cannot give you the ten cardinal rules governing the conduct of a man wishing to serve his Creator. However, there are three things you can learn from a child and seven you can learn from a thief.

“From an infant learn how to laugh, how to cry and how to keep constantly busy.

“From the thief? First of all: that whatever he does, he does secretly.
Two: that whatever he does not obtain today, he will endeavor to obtain tomorrow.
Three: he is loyal to his accomplices.
Four: he is ready to sacrifice himself for the object of his desires, even though it may have no value to others.
Five: once the desired object is his own he loses all interest.
Six: he is not afraid of hardship.
Seven: nothing on earth could make him change trades, in other words, he does not want to be anyone but himself.”

TELL YOUR FRIENDS! THE CONCERT FILM! REVIEWED ON HITFIX

2011-05-02T16:14:00.002-04:00

By none other than Drew "Moriarty" McWeeny. Enjoy it.

I'M HOSTING A PAIR OF BENEFITS FOR JAPAN

2011-04-02T15:01:00.002-04:00

An estimated 350,000 are reportedly homeless from the devastation caused by the Japanese tsunami and 9.0 magnitude earthquake earlier this month. Over 10,000 are confirmed dead, and another 17,000 more are reported missing, according to the United Nations. So The Bell House is hosting not one, but two nights of rock n' roll, comedy, and dance-your-ass-off party awesomeness to benefit Global Giving, which sends money to humanitarian forces directly on the ground in Japan. 100% of the door goes to: http://www.globalgiving.org/projects/japan-earthquake-tsunami-relief/

We're also hosting an amazing silent auction, including hundreds of dollars worth of gift certificates from Union Hall, Floyd, Frankies 457, Prime Meats, Bogota Bistro, Fonda. Also contributing items to the silent auction are Bravo's Watch What Happens Live! with Andy Cohen (a pair of tix to see the show), a signed Les Savy Fav skateboard from French Kiss Records, autographed copies of Stephen Colbert's I Am America and Steve Martin's An Object of Beauty. If you work for a company that can donate kickass silent auction items, please e-mail me and let me know.

THE BELL HOUSE
149 7th Street
Between 2nd & 3rd Aves.
in beautiful Gowanus, Brooklyn

TUESDAY, APRIL 5, 2011

HOST: LIAM MCENEANEY

WITH MUSIC FROM:
RA RA RIOT
SEAN BONES
DIAMONDSNAKE
and MORE!

COMEDY BY:
EUGENE MIRMAN (Bob's Burgers, Delocated)
TODD BARRY (Louis, his many Comedy Central specials and albums)
LISA DELARIOS (from Party Machine @ Union Hall)
A COUPLE SPECIAL SURPRISE GUESTS (from movies and television)
and MORE!

DANCE PARTY WITH:
DJ ANNIE HART (AU REVOIR SIMONE)
DJ BAIO (VAMPIRE WEEKEND)

7:30pm Doors / 8pm Show
$15 adv / $20 dos
Tickets to both shows -- $25
BUY TICKETS HERE: http://tinyurl.com/BKLYNHRTSJPN1

* * * * *

FRIDAY, APRIL 15, 2011

HOST: LIAM MCENEANEY

COMEDY FROM:
WYATT CENAC (Daily Show with Jon Stewart)
KRISTEN SCHAAL (Daily Show with Jon Stewart, Letterman, Conan, Flight of the Conchords)
KURT BRAUNOHLER (IFC, Tell Your Friends! The Concert Film!)
TIM HARRINGTON ("Beardo"/Les Savy Fav)
ARDEN MYRIN (MAD TV/Chelsea Lately)
and MORE!

MUSIC BY:
MIKE DOUGHTY (formerly of Soul Coughing)
HARD NIPS (from Japan)
THE SUZAN (from Japan)
and MORE!

ALL NIGHT AND INTO SATURDAY DANCE PARTY WITH:
DJ AARON LACRATE
AND SPECIAL CELEBRITY DJ TBA - DON'T MISS IT, TRUST ME!

BUY YER TIX HERE: http://tinyurl.com/BKLYNHRTSJPN2
7:30pm Doors / 8pm Show
$15 adv / $20 dos
Tickets to both shows -- $25

MY MOVIE IS HAVING ITS WORLD PREMIERE AT THE SXSW FILM FESTIVAL

2011-03-14T11:15:00.002-04:00

THURSDAY, MARCH 17th
at the Vimeo Theater
at the Austin Convention Center
501 East 4th Street
10:00pm * $10 for non-badgeholders

MORE INFO AT THE OFFICIAL WEBSITE

Also, you can check me out on Marc Maron's popular WTF podcast here.

I'M ON SHOWTIME!

2011-03-04T13:06:00.002-05:00

This special I'm on, "Caroline Rhea & Friends!" (I'm one of the "& Friends") debuts on Showtime Saturday, March 5th, and then pretty much reruns all through the month of March.

You can check the airing times here.

And you can watch the trailer here:

You can also buy the DVD, but since I don't see a cut of that, fuck it.

TELL YOUR FRIENDS! THE CONCERT FILM! STARRING REGGIE WATTS, KURT & KRISTEN, CHRISTIAN FINNEGAN, and MORE!

2011-02-03T00:29:00.004-05:00

If you're wondering where I've been and why I haven't been updating, here's a major part of it:

"TELL YOUR FRIENDS! THE CONCERT FILM!"

This is the story of indie comedy in New York City; like classic rock films 'Woodstock' and 'The Last Waltz,' it tells the story of not just a show, but a scene; a generation of comedians who honed their craft in the bars, rock clubs, and little black box theatres outside the mainstream comedy club circuit.

PRODUCED AND DIRECTED BY: Victor Varnado
PRODUCED AND CREATED BY: Liam McEneaney
BASED ON THE LIVE SHOW 'TELL YOUR FRIENDS!'

WITH PERFORMANCES BY:
Reggie Watts
Kurt Braunohler & Kristen Schaal
Christian Finnegan
Leo Allen
Rob Paravonian
Liam McEneaney

SOUNDTRACK BY: A Brief View of the Hudson

FEATURING INTERVIEWS WITH:
Janeane Garofalo
Jim Gaffigan
Colin Quinn
Marc Maron
Paul F. Tompkins
Eddie Brill
Wyatt Cenac
Hannibal Buress
Kumail Nanjiani

MY FRIENDS WRITE BOOKS. I READ MY FRIENDS' BOOKS. I WRITE ABOUT MY FRIENDS' BOOKS.

2010-09-16T09:34:00.007-04:00

WARNING: In the grand tradition of blogs everywhere, this essay started out being about something and quickly turned into a story all about me. I apologize.

I recently completed a mini-tour of Europe; the Tell Your Friends concert film has been killing me, and I've needed a break. From the moment I went in search of funding for the movie to the moment I stepped on the Continental flight to Dublin, it had been a good year and change. From the moment I stepped off the Continental flight to the moment I sell, promote, and say au revoir to this film, it'll be another year, easy. And so I felt I deserved a good two week working vacation; I hesitate to call it "working," even, because I genuinely love performing my act in the places I went to.

Firstly, I did a weekend at the International Comedy Club in Dublin, Ireland - hands down, one of the best comedy clubs in the world to perform in. Then I did the English Comedy Night at the Kookaburra Comedy Club in Berlin - another one of my favorite places to perform. I really have to hand it to the show's proprietor, Kim Eustice; she has created a really great show, an English language comedy night, in a city where you wouldn't expect such a thing to flourish.

The first time I performed at Kim's gig, it wasn't an entirely full crowd, and half the crowd there were from school where people were learning English for the first time. I had a blast, but it was definitely a sharp learning curve; I had to speak slower, and extend the timing on all jokes by 100% so that the crowd could keep up. Then I came back a year later and the club was almost full. This time, the club was so full that there were people standing along the back. I have nothing but 100% respect for anyone who can create successful shows in unlikely places - believe me when I say, I know exactly how hard that is - and Kim has created something that is literally world-class. I can't wait to go back.

Also, there's a real English language American-style standup scene developing, and it was really interesting meeting these new comedians learning their craft in what can only be described as "under unusual conditions." Then again, I started in the Lower East Side "art star open mic" scene, so how much weirder could a foreign country where yours isn't the native language be?

I also spent a few days in Rome, just chilling. As soon as I get the cord that connects my camera to my computer I'll upload a shit ton of pictures. Because what do perfect strangers love more than some dude's vacation photos?

Anyway, that's not what this post is about. This post is about the fact that so much airplane time means so much time to read the books I've been wanting to read. Which include a couple that my friends have written that I wanted to tell y'all about.

First off, let's talk about Fish Out of Agua, by Michele Carlos. Michele and I are both veterans of the afore-mentioned mid-to-late '90s open mic scene, and whenever I see folks from those days do well, it's like seeing old army platoon buddy get success. Because we definitely saw some shit go down. A while ago, my sister was in town, and I genuinely had to apologize that I couldn't take her out at night to go partying in the LES. But the truth is, I did all that ten years ago, and in the scene I was in, you partied hard or you went home. To quote the great Winston Zeddmore: "Since I started this job, I have seen some shit that will turn you white."

Michele is now a great success in the NYC storytelling scene - something I never would have dreamed I'd live to see become a flourishing community - and she has been a Grand Slam Champion at the granddaddy of all NYC story-telling shows, The Moth. Believe me, storytelling is not an easy skill; I certainly don't possess it. To be honest, when it comes to performing, I feel most comfortable in the standup comedy format. Set-up/punch, set-up/punch. You string little pearls of punchlines together until they become a beautiful shining necklace of a bit that may be a story or may just be a grand observation. To me, to be good at getting up onstage and revealing a part of yourself honestly and engagingly is as intimidating as most people find just getting up onstage and performing.

And Michele has now collected a lot of her best stories into this book, a tale about growing up in Spanish Harlem, and about not fitting in, and about finding your own way. A lot of girls from El Barrio didn't end up hanging out at CBGB's or Hell in the '80s, watching Johnny Thunders and Television perform. But Michele found her own way. It's an engaging, funny book. And like every memoir that a friend has ever written (and I can't believe I'm in a position where i know multiple memoirists), it revealed a side of her that I'd never known about, even though I've known her for a long time.

Buy it here: http://www.amazon.com/Fish-Out-Agua-Neither-Subway/dp/0806531460/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1284646129&sr=8-1

Also, five of my friends have written a book called SEX: Our Bodies, Our Junk.. A parody of sex manuals, this is one of the best straight-ahead humor/parody books I've read in a while. I remember when these guys came to my Tell Your Friends! show and read some of the chapters in this book to the audience, I couldn't stop laughing. I mean, it helps that I'm a fan of these guys' work individually, but even if I had come into this book cold, I would have enjoyed it just as much.

It's clever, it's smart, it's witty, and it's profane, like much of the best comedy throughout recorded history. There's not too much more I can say here without quoting from - and ruining for you - this book, so let's just say it's worth the investment. And if you go to the Amazon page, you can get a sneak peek at the contents. So why not.

Buy it here: http://www.amazon.com/Sex-Our-Bodies-Junk/dp/0307592162/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1284646569&sr=1-1#reader_0307592162

PAPA'S GOT A BRAND NEW BLOG

2010-07-16T13:33:00.002-04:00

Talking about my movie show. We're sliding into post-production now.

YOU SHOULD CLICK HERE TO READ MORE.

Or here, if you're on the Facebook RSS feed: http://tyfthefilm.wordpress.com/

I'M MAKING A MOVIE

2010-06-08T09:52:00.002-04:00

For realsies, yo. If you're wondering why I've been so bad at updating this blog, well, here's one of the reasons.

I'm filming my Tell Your Friends! show as a live concert movie, and I'm going to need the literally ones of fans who visit this blog every week to come out and show your support.

Here's the info:

Tuesday, June 22nd
The Onion Presents:
TELL YOUR FRIENDS! THE CONCERT FILM
at The Bell House
149 7th Street, Gowanus, Brooklyn
www.thebellhouseny.com

DOORS: 6:30pm & 9:00pm
ADMISSION: $5.00

Buy tickets to the 6:30 show here.

Buy tickets to the 9:00 show here

HOSTED BY:
LIAM McENEANEY

WITH:
KURT BRAUNOHLER & KRISTEN SCHAAL
REGGIE WATTS
CHRISTIAN FINNEGAN
LEO ALLEN
ROB PARAVONIAN

AND THE TYF! HOUSE BAND:
A BRIEF VIEW OF THE HUDSON

18+ to enter/21+ to drink

HOW TO JOIN ME IN THE WORLD OF SOCIAL MEDIA

2010-04-18T12:27:00.002-04:00

I am a fundamentally lazy, oooh I'm so lazy. Which is why I don't update this blog as much as I used to.

But the good news is, there's a few ways to keep in touch with me.

For one, I have my fan page on Facebook. And I do update that with gigs and news from time to time. So you must join that.

Then there's my Twitter feed, which I update a couple of times a day with jokes and songs and incredibly deep philosophical musings about the TV show Doctor Who.

And then there's the Facebook page for my Tell Your Friends! show which I highly recommend you check out.

TRIUMPH THE INSULT COMIC DOG AND ME

2010-03-04T12:17:00.003-05:00

I genuinely can't believe I haven't put this up on my blog yet. Back in December, Tell Your Friends! held a benefit for the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society - the lineup included Todd Barry, Kristen Schaal, John Oliver, Jim Gaffigan, Caroline Rhea, and headlined by Triumph.

Below is his set, in its entirety. Not only did I have the honor of getting pooped on, but I got to write some jokes for him as well. It's weird, feeling pride in getting laughs off of something horrible at your expense that you yourself wrote; luckily, the ego gratification far outweighs the ego blow.

And if you want to donate to the LLS, please feel free to do it through their website.

And if you want to come to our upcoming TYF! shows and special events, join the Facebook group.

Part I

Part II

Part III

Part IV

10 MINUTES ON GAY MARRIAGE

2009-12-28T08:47:00.002-05:00

Whenever I get stuck writing my stuff, I make myself a challenge: I give myself a subject and 10 minutes to write jokes about it. No second-guessing, no rewriting, just cranking out one joke after another. It works remarkably well to get the juices flowing:

Yesterday, I gave myself the topic "Gay Marriage," because I had this thing I'd said in conversation once that I thought could get turned into something. And here's what I wrote:

* If you really hate gay people, legalize gay marriage, but not gay divorce.

* I don't know why anyone would say that gay folks are evil. Gay dudes are not evil - unless you're mixing stripes and plaids.

* Gay men are the best equipped to deal with marriage - because when everything goes south in a straight relationship, who's the first person she goes running to? Her gay best friend. he's a guy who's heard it all. Gay Best friend has literally given advice in every situation.

* Religious groups are afraid of gay people. Why? priests have a lot in common: They both believe a black dress is appropriate for every occasion.
They both find women's bodies unattractive.
They both worship a man who is well hung.

* The argument is always, "If gays are allowed to marry, then the next thing they'll be legalizing pedophilia." So there's an upside for the Catholic priesthood.

Ahhhh, somewhere between the road to hack and the road to genius, there's something in a couple of those jokes.

I DID THIS HOLIDAY REMIX OF ANDY WILLIAMS' IT'S THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEAR

2009-12-20T11:28:00.001-05:00

You're welcome.

Download it here.

I WATCHED THE JIM CARREY VEHICLE THE NUMBER 23 YESTERDAY

2009-12-14T12:02:00.006-05:00

In case you've been living under a rock, and haven't seen Mongolia's 17th biggest movie of 2007, The Number 23 is the dark and edgy thriller about a dogcatcher who is being stalked by a number. Now I know what you're going to say: "Do you mean a foam-rubber number 23, like the ones who would walk around Sesame Street? Because that would be disturbing."

No, I mean he's being stalked by the abstract mathematical concept of a prime number that was first developed by Indian mathematicians millennia ago.

This saxophone is supposed to be frightening. No, really.

To boil down way too much movie, Carrey's life is uprooted on his birthday (DECEMBER 23RD!) when his wife finds a book in a used bookstore called "The Number 23." It's a self-published book that's really badly-written, half of which is just crazy scribblings and hand-drawn numerology charts. So naturally, she puts it back on the shelf and buys Cormac McCarthy's The Road.

JUST KIDDING! That wouldn't make any sense! She takes the book home, and gives it to Jim Carrey for his birthday, which is an indication of trouble in the marriage. He becomes consumed by the book when he finds that many details from the main character's life MIRROR HIS OWN EXACTLY!

Now, here's the first point I want to get at: the book is written by a mystery man named "Topsy Kretts." In a world of movies filled with unlikely names of authors, Topsy Kretts goes above and beyond. In fact, I hacked into director Joel Schumacher's hard drive and found all the names he rejected:

Mr. E. Mann
Red Herring
Sue Doe Nimh
Arthur Unown
Ima Killer-Rilly
L. Ter Ego
Fay Kename

Actually, I take it back; Fay Kename would have been ten times better than Topsy Kretts. Seriously, it's like this movie took place in a comedy about a guy who somehow manages to make one of the worst movies on Earth on purpose.

Anyway, it turns out that the book's story mirrors a real-life murder that was committed in this small town where Carrey lives 13 years previously. Okay, so here's the big twist: It turns out that Carrey's character WAS THE AUTHOR OF THE BOOK ALL ALONG AND ALSO THE KILLER.

Apparently, he had killed his girlfriend - a college student who was sleeping with her professor who was framed for the murder and sent to prison. Carrey rented out a room at a motel and wrote the book in a frenzy - the final chapter, chapter 23 - was a full confession, which he scrawled all over the motel walls. He then fell out of the motel window and landed on his head, which conveniently gave him amnesia about the murder and all the events that lead up to it. A device so shitty, even the producers of One Life To Live would make the screenwriter go back and take another pass.

So he gets sent to a mental home and when he's released, he walks down the steps and meets his future wife. And then immediately developed further amnesia about even having stayed in a mental home.

"Hey asshole, you're going to pay to fix the walls you covered with your crazy murder confession," is what the motel manager failed to say in this otherwise extremely realistic and sensical movie, The Number 23

Some questions about this movie:
* Really? He didn't say "Topsy Kretts" out loud for the first time and realize it might not be a real name?
* When Jim Carrey applied for the job of county dogcatcher, and the county did a background check on him, no one asked about his stay in a mental home?
* When Jim Carrey went to apply for a mortgage for his home, and they did an extensive background check to make sure he wasn't a risk, no one asked him about his stay in an asylum?
* keeping in mind that, in the flashbacks, he seemed to be too old for college and not working; his girlfriend who had cheated on him got murdered, and the creepy older drifter wasn't even a suspect?
* At one point, he goes to the local prison to confront the college professor, and they didn't know each other. The professor didn't recognize the boyfriend of the woman he'd been dating whose murder he'd been framed for?
* He scrawled a confession to murder on the walls of a motel room. And then jumped out of the window. The cops didn't read any of it? The motel manager didn't read any of it? Or at least ask for the money to wallpaper the room?
* What kind of amnesia not only wipes oout one specific memory, but also his memory of haing been in an asylum afterwards? Also, was this amnesia contagious, which would explain why his wife didn't remember meeting him as he walked down th steps out of the asylum?
* What does any of this have to do with the number 23?

Some easy jokes:
23 has to be the IQ of this movie's target audience.
This movie felt like it went on 23 hours.
23 is the age of the movie's target audience - in months.
Fuck this movie, it sucks.

I LOVE THIS VIDEO: BOB DYLAN: "MUST BE SANTA"

2009-11-22T13:24:00.003-05:00

This blog has kinda sucked the last month. Sorry, I've been really busy.

By way of apology, please allow me to introduce you to this video for "Must Be Santa," from Dylan's very hit-or-miss Christmass album, Christmas in the Heart. This is my favorite track fro mthat album, and this video is goddamn all over the map craaazy. I love it.

BENEFIT w/ TRIUMPH THE INSULT COMIC DOG, JOHN OLIVER, CAROLINE RHEA, AND KRISTEN SCHAAL,

2009-11-21T10:33:00.002-05:00

TYF! w/ SNL WRITERS! And Rachel Trachtenberg's band, Supercute!

2009-11-13T14:37:00.002-05:00

TELL YOUR FRIENDS! WITH COLIN QUINN, MORE!

2009-10-30T19:55:00.002-04:00

10/19 - TELL YOUR FRIENDS! w/ Kristen Schaal, Christian Finnegan, Me, More!

2009-10-17T22:35:00.002-04:00

Monday - 10/19 - Tell Your Friends!
at Lolita
266 Broome St. - at Allen
8:00pm - $5.00

HOST: Sara Schaefer

WITH:
Kristen Schaal
as seen on "The Daily Show," HBO's "Flight of the Conchords," her own "Comedy Central Presents: Kristen Schaal" 1/2-hour special, and is preparing to tape the upcoming "John Oliver & Friends" show

Christian Finnegan
has been seen on his own 1-hour Comedy Central special, "Au Contraire!", NBC's "The Today Show," and MSNBC's "Countdown with Keith Olbermann"

Liam McEneaney
has been all over basic cable, and regularly tours Europe

Evelyn Rothstein
is an 80 year-old educator,children's book author, and is making her stand-up debut at this week's "TELL YOUR FRIENDS."*

The Fools
are a TYF! favorite!

AND MORE!

AND OUR HOUSE BAND: A Brief View of the Hudson

MEN YOU SHOULD NOT BE AFRAID OF

2009-10-15T13:41:00.004-04:00

Professional font designers.

Bookies who only handle bets on professional figure skating.

Guys named Timothy.*

Ant farmers.

1987 World Wrestling Federation Tag Team, “Spandex Pete and The Human Hug Machine.”

Morrissey.

Some of the sadder mythical monsters, such as the Werepig, or the Bentaur (which, of course, is a half-horse, half-Pat Benatar).

Third runner-up, 2007 Mr. Clearwater, Florida, Extended Care Facility Pageant.

Any guy who introduces himself as a lion tamer, and then when you go and see him at the Circus, it turns out he trains men dressed in lion suits who go “Rowr rowr,” like Bert Lahr in The Wizard of Oz.

Retired Veterans of the KISS Army.

Drug mules that smuggle aspirin through Customs in their rectums.

While you should definitely be intimidated by anyone in a gang with a name like “Hell’s Angels” or “Satan’s Disciples,” you should absolutely not be intimidated by anyone in a gang named “The Hamburger Helpers,” or, “The Unitarian Universalist Church.”

* My friend Margaret asks, “What about domestic terrorist Timothy McVeigh, who ran a pickup truck full of explosives into Alfred P. Murrah Building in Oklahoma City?” To which I reply: Timothy McVeigh was a total pussy. Any genuinely frightening redneck worth his salt would have gotten drunk on a couple cases of Bud Light, parked his pickup truck outside that building, ripped his shirt off, and challenged every single person who works there to come out and fight him man-to-man.

THE TYF! 4TH ANNIVERSARY SPECIALTACULAR!

2009-09-18T01:19:00.002-04:00

It's the Tell Your Friends! 4th Anniversary show. Please come by, it's going to be killer.

My Year of Books: BEEN DOWN SO LONG IT LOOKS LIKE UP TO ME & POSITIVELY FOURTH STREET

2009-09-17T15:32:00.004-04:00

Been Down So Long, It Looks Like Up To Me
by Richard Farina

Positiviely Fourth Street:
The Lives and Times of Joan Baez, Bob Dylan, Mimi Baez Farina & Richard Farina
by David Hajdu

Richard Farina was an acclaimed folksinger who had a successful folk duo act with his wife, Mimi Baez, Joan Baez' little sister. A semi-professional writer whose stories and poems appeared in print, he died tragically in a motorcycle accident coming home from a party to celebrate the publication of his debut novel, the thinly-veiled roman a clef Been Down So Long It Look Like Up To Me, which he had been writing off-and-on for six years, starting in college.

This is, of course, half the story. I read Farina's Down before reading the biography Positively Fourth Street. Down is a somewhat difficult read, written as it is in a very dense dialect of 60s-era hipster-speak. A lot of digging goes on in both the dialogue and the narration, and in a book where the protagonist's voice is identical to the narrator's, it's impossible not to conflate the two. Which may have been Farina's intention.

Down is the story of Gnossos Pappadopoulis, a young man who returns to college after a year spent traveling and discovering himself, filled with tales of unlikely derring-do and colorful characters. Sometimes we're told that his colorful stories are lies, at other times characters from his constant ongoing autobiography (and Gnossos loves to talk) turn up to prove them true.

The action in the story plays like a fever dream, with every emotion and act hyped to a maximum color and effect. Since this is the product of a young man who, in the course of writing his novel has gone through many life changes (in real life, Farina continued to write this book while graduating college, getting married twice, and finding an unlikely brush with fame and fortune), and so the maturity level of the book ranges wildly from childish to startlingly adult and wise.

To wit: the book beings with its funniest story, of the protagonist wrangling an invitation to his friend's fraternity's rush week events with no intention of joining, but rather scamming a free steak dinner. In the course of the night, he proceeds to smoke strong weed (before it became the mainstream's drug of choice, back when marijuana was confined, in the popular imagination, to the domain of musicians and vagrants), get massively drunk, and run havoc through the frat house.

In what was, undoubtedly a 1950s/60s young hipster's wet dream of ultimate coolness, Pappadopoulis takes a date to a black nightclub, and impresses her (and the audience) with how friendly he is, even with the black jazz musicians who his normal white society rejects.

On the other end of that scale, the book ends with a group of college revolutionaries, whose most radical act hitherto had been to stage a campus-wide protest of restrictions on co-ed cohabitation. heading to revolution-era Cuba to "go into the mountains" and join the revolt. Instead, one of their friends gets shot on the street before they can begin, and our Gnossos returns to the States with his tail between his legs.

My other big problem with this book is what it unintentionally points up a big problem with the "progressive" movement of the '60s - in this book, women are treated, more often as mindless sex objects, or sex objects who have no compunction about betraying the men who love them. There's nothing even as sophisticated as the Madonna/Whore Complex in this book, if only because in this book the Madonna is also the Whore.

Also, the casual racism, where black friends are treated as tokens of status, and foreigners are described in animal terms. I know this was written during a different time, but it was a time when casual sexism and racism permeated even the "liberal" culture.

But all in all, there's more to recommend this novel than not, although it has become so entwined with the legend of an artist cut off in his prime that it has gained an aura of great literature that the reality cannot live up to: that this is a very good first book from a man with clearly a lot of natural talent that still needed to be tempered and controlled. I really think that if he had been able to focus his literary ambitions, Richard Farina could have written an amazing third or fourth novel.

In Positively Fourth Street, the reader has to remember that there's two sides to every story, and the protagonists who come off worst are Richard Farina, a man who is unable to give his side of the story, and Bob Dylan, a man who refuses to.

The author, David Hajdu, makes several interesting parallels between Farina and Dylan, from the obvious to the less-so. Both are painted as men of talent, whose artistry with music and writing is equalled by their artistry with bullshit and opportunism. Dylan hangs himself with his own words and actions here; infiltrating the NYC folk scene, becoming a superstar of the protest scene, although he would later go on to truly make his mark with personal, non-topical songwriting, and disavow any interest in the progressive community.

His relationship with Baez plays as a metaphor, going from shyly seducing her with his songwriting talent, starting a whirlwind romance that results in Baez talking up Dylan's concert and bringing him on for guest appearances at her sold-out shows. When he becomes a star in his own right, he refuses to pay her the same favor, and it isn't until his Rolling Thunder Revue Tour a decade later that he features Joan Baez as a guest performer. As a professional tactic, it was crucial that Dylan make this move to truly separate himself, but as a personal tactic it's a bit of a dick move. But as with all stories about relationships, there are undoubtedly other things that we the casual reader were not privy to.

Farina, likewise, is portrayed as an almost romantic grifter, moving from one budding star of the folk scene, his first wife Carolyn Hester, to Mimi Baez, the little sister of a true superstar of the folks scene, whom he begins courting while still married. Farina the opportunist infiltrates the inner circle of a wary Joan Baez, who reads as a somewhat uneducated, intellectually incurious, if well-meaning, middle-class Bohemian.

The book ends with dual motorcycle crashes - the one on the West Coast that kills Richard Farina and the other on the East Coast that gives Bob Dylan a chance to rest and renew his life.

Overall, two very different books that combine to paint a picture of an interesting set of characters.

I MADE THIS VIDEO FOR THE COMIX COMEDY CLUB

2009-09-11T12:52:00.001-04:00

It was directed by Carol Hartsell:

MY YEAR OF BOOKS: "The Year of Living Biblically" by AJ Jacobs

2009-09-09T11:02:00.005-04:00

I've always loved reading books, and in the past few years my ability to engage in this past-time has gone way down. There's a number of reasons for this, both good and bad; on the one hand, my kick to exercise more means that I walk often when I used to take the subway, which means there's less time in my day for reading. Also, I'm doing a lot more writing and performing and traveling; the last might seem like it was tailor-made for reading, and indeed on my last European tour I spent a good amount of time reading an interesting book on the Third Reich. But for the most part, I have a hard time focussing on books when I'm on a plane or a train or riding in a car.

On the other hand, the time I waste on the Internet and watching television has gone way up, which is not good. So to get back into the literacy habit, I've decided to challenge myself to read at least one book a week. And I figured, what better time to do it than the first week of September, when children go back to school?

Obviously, if something big comes up that's good but commands most of my focus, a big writing job, say, or I end up in a coma, I'm going to give myself a break. And I'm not going to pressure myself to read nothing but Great Books of Literature. Reading is fun, and a great hobby, and I'm going to treat it as such.

Also, I'm going to discuss these books on my blog. Fair warning: I'm not a literature major. Hell, I didn't even finish college. And I certainly have no interest in providing professional-level literary criticism. So I'm going to get some things wrong, going to use simple terms instead of the kinds that educated people use. Believe me, I welcome corrections. I genuinely like learning new things.

So let's talk about this book, The Year of Living Biblically, by AJ Jacobs. This is a book I've been wanting to read for a number of reasons:

First, I did a reading show with the guy a few years ago, which led me to pick up his first book, The Know-It All (about his year spent reading the entirety of The Enyclopedia Brittanica), which I enjoyed. Then again, it was an experience I could relate to - as a kid I used to read Leonard Maltin's movie capsule review books for fun, and I used to buy those Uncle John Bathroom Reader books just for the fun of reading them back-to-front. Hell, i've probably spent more time reading through the Trivia sections on IMDB than I should admit.

Secondly, having been raised as a Buddhist in a Catholic/Jewish family, in an incredibly diverse neighborhood in Queens, I have always been fascinated by the major organized religions and the effect they have on the lives of their followers. My favorite class in my aborted college career was called "Literature of the Bible," and it studied the Bible as a book of literature rather than a religious text. This inspired me to read the Bible front-to-back, mostly (I kind os skipped chapters like The Book of Numbers, which were just lists and lists), and while it is a tough slog there is enough to reward the casual reader that I would recommend it.

Jacobs decided to devote a year of his life to following the Bible the way most religions do to one degree or another - as if it were God's instruction manual, and following as many rules as literally as possible. As a guy I refer to as Jew-ish (raised to identify as a member of the Tribe, but not particularly observant of, or even interested in, the religion that forms his culture), he finds himself really delving into it.

His journey takes us into some places both interesting - he gets inside the insular world of the Hasidic Jews, as a typical New Yorker, I only know from seeing those guys in the Diamond District and the occasional horror story - and mundane - "Thrill to the incredible story about an Amish guy who's hard to talk to!" But even those latter yield their interesting moments; an otherwise taciturn Amish farmer suddenly busting out a corny Amish joke, and then a harmonica solo. Little bursts of independent humanity from a man who has given his life to a religion whose strict interpretation of a millennia-old text demands a sacrifice of the self for the betterment of the community.

Some of the best stories in this book pertain to the effect this experiment has on Jacobs' marriage; old-time religion is notoriously hard on women, and rules pertaining to mens' treatment of them, obviously, rub his modern and independent wife the wrong way. My favorite bit involves her reaction to the rules he must suddenly abide concerning not being allowed to touch a woman for a week after her menstruation, which extends to not being allowed to sit on any chairs or use an bed she has touched. He comes home one night to the announcement that she has used every chair in the house.

As Jacobs molds his exterior further and further to conform to the Bible's rules - growing his beard out, wearing clothes fringed with tassels, getting his hair cut just so, he finds his interior world changing as well. He finds himself making the connection between the sometimes arbitrary and superficial, seemingly-meaningless rules on dress and diet and conduct, and what they mean to genuinely think about his relationship to his world. He finds himself growing more connected to what it means to be part of a community whose stories, whose traditions, and whose laws go back to literally the dawn of recorded history.

If I had a major complaint about this book, it is that the author tries to include as much as possible, sometimes referencing things in passing that could do with more detailed exploration. Then again, if he wrote the kind of book I wanted, it would probably be twice as long as Infinite Jest (another book on my list) and sell about ten copies.

In short: I liked it! Read it! Bye!

8/3 - TYF! - FREE BEER, Kristen Schaal, Todd Barry, and MORE!

2009-07-31T00:49:00.002-04:00

This takes place at the Lolita, 266 Broome St @ Allen

FOOTAGE OF ME PERFORMING IN BERLIN, GERMANY

2009-06-17T10:11:00.003-04:00

At Kim Eustice's English Language Comedy Night at the Kookaburra Comedy Club.

I did two ten-minute sets in each half of the show, and this was the second one.

(I actually did 11:30, which YouTube can't handle, so I chopped off the first 90 seconds.)

FOOTAGE OF ME PERFORMING IN GLASGOW, SCOTLAND

2009-06-17T07:27:00.001-04:00

The first five minutes of my set at The Stand. Please enjoy:

6/1 - TYF! - with Janeane Garofalo, Wyatt Cenac, more...

2009-05-31T09:24:00.001-04:00

Monday, June 1st
Tell Your Friends!
at the Lolita Bar
266 Broome St @ Allen

8:00 show * $5.00 to get in

HOST: Jena Friedman

WITH:
Janeane Garofalo
is a comedian, actress, and political activist, most recently seen on Fox' "24"

Wyatt Cenac
is a correspondent for "The Daily Show w/ Jon Stewart" and star of the critically acclaimed film, "Medicine for Melancholy"

Tom Leopold
is a writer and performer who has written for television, including "Cheers" and "Seinfeld"

Jamie Kilstein
has appeared at the Montreal Comedy Festival and the Edinburgh Fringe Festival, and just returned from a successful tour of Australia

Dave Hill
is a musician, writer, and comedian whose work has been featured in The New York Times, Blender, The Huffington Post, HBO, VH1, Spike TV, Sundance Channel, starred in the hilarious "The King of Miami" (which is now available on iTunes), and is featured in NPR's This American Life Tour with Ira Glass

Adam Lowitt
is a comedian and producer for The Daily Show with Jon Stewart

25 THINGS YOU MAY NOT KNOW ABOUT ME

2009-01-27T11:37:00.001-05:00

Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you.

25. I had an ancestor who fought in the Revolutionary War. Joe McDonnell McEneaney. He led a valiant attack on Passaic, NJ, and lost 350 men before taking the town. It was an achievement marred only by the fact that the British Army was nowhere near Passaic, and in fact, my uncle was a janitor who liked to drunk and steal officers' clothes.

24. I have an IQ of 210. Now, the so-called "experts" want to tell me there's a decimal in there BUT I AIN'T HAVIN NONE OF DAT

23. I was a professional stuntman for three years. My stage name was "Lawful Good Knievel."

22. I love blueberry pancakes so much, I have married them.

21. In high school, I was bitten by a radioactive spider, and it gave me the powers and abilities of a guy who has been both poisoned and given cancer.

20. If you tell women you're a doctor, they will take their shirt off and then get an insurance company to pay you. If you then say, "Actually, I'm a doctor of Philosophy, and I'm in this examination room also waiting to get seen" they will start yelling and punching you.

19. I've learned that writing 25 of these things is a lot.

18. My eyes are so open and innocent with wonder, I try to have a stranger teach me one new thing every day. For instance, yesterday a New York State circuit judge taught me the difference between "freelance adoption" and "kidnapping."

17. I'm a much better fighter than most people think. The last time I got into a fight, it resulted in a black eye, a bloody nose, and a broken arm. The other guy was unhurt, but my point is I was in there.

16. I have the ability to talk to animals. However, I do not have the ability to have them understand what I say or understand what they are talking about. That's because i have the ability to talk English to animals who only speak Chinese.

15. I love gambling. Which is a fancy way of saying I eat chicken from those street carts.

14. I answer every single email I get, especially the spam. You may laugh, but last week I went on a date with a beautiful woman name Mandarin J. Respectfully who is going to help me refinance a mortgage on my penis.

13. I wouldn't say I love coffee, but I have had sex with it.

12. I wish I had time to watch more truly great movies, but for some reason pornhub.com doesn't have "Citizen Kane."

11. I taught 50 Cent everything he knows. Unfortunately, I taught him everything he knows about algebra.

10. I've always found the best part of hanging out with a really tight-knit group of close friends, is when one of them doesn't show up and then you all have someone to make fun of.

09. I've found the secret to happiness is waking up every day and seeing a beautiful face. And yet, some people think it's creepy that my bedroom is just wall-to-ceiling mirrors.

08. I was sick the day we learned counting in school, and have trouble with numbers.

06. Sure, when you're young it's always hilarious when someone says, "What has two thumbs and loves blow jobs" and then point their thumbs at themselves and says, "This guy." Or they say "Have you ever seen an elephant?" and then unzips their pants and pulls their pants pockets out. Then it's all fun and games.
But then some people get older become parents, and then it's all like, "Liam, we hired you to be a clown at our three year-olds' party" and there's nothing but screaming and crying as you realize that they're not going to pay you. This I've learned from bitter experience.

05. I spent fifteen minutes on this list so far. Really.

04. I own a hamster. I hate hamsters. But I love taking him to the zoo and holding him up at the snake cage and watching the snakes slam their heads against the glass enclosures over and over.

03. I absolutely cannot even stand horseradish sauce. But I'll have sex with it anyway because I like to drink.

02. I took myself out on a date last night, and it was so awkward at dinner, when the check came, and I sat there for twenty minutes before I realized I had no intention of paying.

01. You might hear some of these onstage at some point in the future, actually.

00. Goodbye.

I don’t need to see Saw V or Hostel 12 or whatever. I don’t find horror movies scary.

2009-01-07T01:28:00.002-05:00

I’ve seen scary, and that’s congratulating a woman I did not know for 100% sure was pregnant.

That is seven seconds of sheer suspense. And there is no worse feeling, like your stomach disappearing, than the moment after you hear the words come out of your mouth and realize that you have no idea what you’re talking about.

And I don’t think I need to tell you, it happened at a work party, and it happened while I was talking to the CEO’s wife whom I had just met for the first time.

And as the words came out of my mouth, I realized two things:
The first was that he had never announced the happy news.
And the second was that she was holding a big glass of wine.

And as I was making these discoveries, my mouth was still moving, and I was asking, “When is it due?” And I could literally see the words coming out of my mouth.

And I found myself stone-cold sober all at once. It was like the alcohol in my body said, "Well we've done all the damage we can in this joint. You're on your own now, asshole."

And then I said the first thing I could think of, which was, “Linda in accounting told me…”

And I swear, I heard this voice behind me say, “What did I tell you?”

And I did that slow horror movie turn. And Linda from accounting was there. And I've heard about blackouts. And I swear I don’t remember leaving the party; I just know that the next moment I was standing in another bar having my third beer.

I pieced together later what happened next because I I am still a legend at this company; all the guys who knew me there still tell the new employees about me like they’re telling a horror story around a campfire, and this is why. Because from what I’ve been told, I had this moment when I realized that I was, technically, no longer an employee of the company. And so I kissed Linda from accounting on the mouth.

I rule.

THANKS TO EVERYONE WHO CAME OUT TO THE DARFUR BENEFIT

2008-12-19T02:30:00.020-05:00

And if you weren't, below are some photos from the event.

A Brief View of the Hudson opened the show:

Then, your humble host:

The first act, Andres DuBouchet:

The second act, Mr. Eddie Brill:

And closing out the first half, Greg Giraldo:

After a brief intermission, another brief visit with A Brief View:

Revisited by you humble narrator:

The first act of the second half, Kurt Braunohler:

Then, Eugene Mirman:

Todd Barry:

And John Oliver:

And finally, Tally Hall, who aren't photographed, but you can find them here.

Photos by "Otto Focus."

BENEFIT FOR SAVE DARFUR

2008-11-29T02:20:00.003-05:00

TYF! will be moving for one night to Brooklyn for our big Year End Spectacular - and it's a benefit for Save Darfur, an advocacy group to help end the genocide in the Sudan. Learn more about them at www.savedarfur.org

And if you're wondering whether to pay twenty-five dollars for a show, remember that this is one of the best comedy lineups in NYC. And it's the holidays! Think of this as a Christmas gift for the folks of the Sudan who are suffering through what has been described as one of the worst humanitarian disasters in the world.

These tickets will be made available to the general public soon, but we're giving you the chance to be among the first to buy these. Tickets to this event are available for presale at Ticketweb.

Monday, December 15th
TELL YOUR FRIENDS!
THERE'S NO CHRISTMAS IN DARFUR!
A comedy benefit for Save Darfur

at The Bell House
149 7th Street
Park Slope, Brooklyn
F train to Smith & 9th

DOORS OPEN: 7:30pm

TICKETS: $25.00

Hosted by LIAM McENEANEY

With:
JOHN OLIVER
from The Daily Show w/ John Stewart and his one hour special, Terrifying Times

GREG GIRALDO
from "Lewis Black's Root of All Evil," the Comedy Central Roasts, The Late Show with David Letterman, Late Night with Conan O'Brien and two Comedy Central Presents: Greg Giraldo specials

TODD BARRY
from his two Comedy Central Presents: Todd Barry specials, The Sarah Silverman Program, and the movie The Wrestler

EUGENE MIRMAN
from his Comedy Central Presents: Eugene Mirman special, Flight of the Conchords, Late Night w/ Conan O'Brien, and his appearances at the Montreal Just For Laughs, Bonnarroo, and Bumbershoot Festivals

EDDIE BRILL
from the Late Show w/ David Letterman & Comedy Central Presents: Eddie Brill

ANDRES DUBOUCHET
is a writer for Late Night w/ Conan O'Brien

KURT BRAUNOHLER
from the popular Penelope Princess of Pets webseries and a top prize finalist at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival

and more TBA

Music from:
A BRIEF VIEW OF THE HUDSON
is the regular "house band" for Tell Your Friends! and was voted "Best Folk-Rock Duo" in the 2003 NY Press Best of Manhattan issue

TALLY HALL
is a young band on the rise. Their debut album, "Marvin's Marvelous Mechanical Museum," was released in 2008 on Atlantic Records. They've made multiple appearances on "The Late Late Show w/ Craig Ferguson" and recently performed at Lollapalooza.

PLUS: The Comedy Nerd Raffle:

Prizes include:
* A COPY OF "I'M AMERICA AND SO CAN YOU" AUTOGRAPHED BY STEPHEN COLBERT
* THE COMEDY CENTRAL GIFT BAG: with CDs and DVDs including Demetri Martin and Season 2 of the Sarah Silverman Program
* THE STANDUP RECORDS GIFT BAG: with 10 CDs and DVDs
* THE ASPECIALTHINGS RECORDS GIFT BAG
* THE ONION GIFT SET: with an autographed Onion book and autographed books by Onion editor Joe Garden
* THE COMIX COMEDY CLUB SET: tickets for two to a show, including free dinner and complimentary wine service
* FREE TICKETS TO THE HERE THEATER
PRODUCED BY: Liam McEneaney and Jessica Flores

TALES FROM MY NOTEBOOK:A JOKE THAT DOESN'T WORK

2008-10-24T11:17:00.002-04:00

This made me giggle while I was writing it, but I tried it in front of a fairly hip NYC audience, and if they didn't like it there's just no hope:

I don't trust the Resurrection Story.

Jesus did magic tricks. Maybe Easter Monday, when they rolled the boulder away , maybe that wasn’t the end of the story.

Maybe he jumped out ten feet away: “Ta-daaa!”

And all his friends were like, “Jesus, you dick. You really had us going.”

And then Matthew was writing the Gospel and he said, “You know what? Let’s end that story about ten minutes earlier.”

OUT OF THE MOUTHS OF COMPLETE LUNATICS...

2008-10-23T02:13:00.003-04:00

I met a "Prophet" tonight. Although a lot of what he said didn't make sense, he did say this, that America is corrupt and that our idea of liberty is a whore. When I asked him what he meant, he said, "God built up a nation with everything she could desire to help the world prosper and she used her liberty to be a whore and fornicated with all nations for personal gain. And she left the hungry unfed and the naked unclothed."

I WAS ON A PODCASTED SHOW OUT HERE IN EDINBURGH

2008-08-15T12:36:00.002-04:00

Now you can hear me,live on the Internets, all the way from the Fringe Festival. Enjoy my guest turn on Sex Tips For Pandas.

(By the way, the audience wasn't mic'ed so you can really hear me loudly over the laughs.)

TOTAL BRAG(sorry)

2008-08-13T09:02:00.003-04:00

Got a fan letter today. There's a first:

THE ENGLISH ARE A FUNNY FOLK

2008-08-12T22:27:00.001-04:00

You can talk shit about anything you want, but do not insult their football clubs.

You can be in a bar and say, "Your mother's a cunt," to a guy and he'll just say, "Easy lad, there's now need for that."

But you talk to the same guy and say, "I'm a fan of Manchester United," and he'll say, "Alright, let's step outside; you're about to taste your own blood."

GOT A NICE REVIEW FROM THREE WEEKS MAGAZINE

2008-08-09T04:05:00.002-04:00

Two American Comedians Lose Their Shirts At The Edinburgh Free Fringe

Free doesn't always guarantee quality, but this particular show is well worth a visit. The main act, Liam McEneaney, is an experienced comic cast in a similar mould to Kevin Smith: American, geeky and very funny. The material is simple, focusing mostly on his childhood, his relationships and therapy with 'Death of a Salesman', but his take and delivery are exquisite. The show suffers from 'Edinburgh Problems' - an awkward room half full of noontime stragglers - even so, the show is seriously funny. Not quite a celebrity yet, but if he gets the audiences I can't wait to see his name in lights - if Brendon Burns or Glen Wool are too much for you give Liam and his chums a try.
Laughing Horse @ Meadow Bar, 31 Jul - 25 Aug (not 23), 12.05pm (1.05pm), fpp 106.
tw rating 4/5
[rh]

And more important (to me, if no one else), here's a person who took a bus to check out the Fringe, and she liked the show (you have to scroll down a bit).

SHOW GOT A GOOD REVIEW IN THE SCOTSMAN

2008-08-07T16:27:00.002-04:00

Check it out. I've been told that The Scotsman are selective about what they approve of, so I'm pretty happy.

NOTES FROM EDINBURGH

2008-08-01T09:23:00.002-04:00

First of all, congrats to Blogger for flagging my World Tour Blog as spam (?). Hopefully, once their crack team reads it they'll unlock it and allow me to update it with show info.

Secondly, I want to introduce you to my buddy, The Coach:

He was sitting in his own seat on the R train a few days before I left, so I picked him up, gave him a good washing, and brought him along as my mascot. Hopefully he'll bring me some good luck, although the way the Mets are going, they may need him more than I do.

Alright, more chat laterzez.

AS OF TOMORROW I WILL BE IN EDINBURGH, SCOTLAND...

2008-07-29T11:41:00.003-04:00

as part of the Fringe Festival. Please come out if you can, it's going to be a hella fun show. Here are the details:

July 31st - August 25th
An American Comedian Loses His Shirt at the Edinburgh "Free" Festival

Warning: Swearing

12:05pm (60 mins) - ADMISSION £0.00 (free)

at:
Laughing Horse @ Meadow Bar
42-44 Buccleuch Street
United Kingdom
EH8 9LP

with:

Liam McEneaney

and

Rob Paravonian (August 6 - 13 ONLY)

Eric Kirchberger (August 14 - 25 ONLY)

Special Guest TBA (July 31 - August 5 ONLY)

Liam's Special Ed-inburgh Fun-Raiser

2008-07-27T15:53:00.001-04:00

That's right kitty-cats, Liam McEneaney is heading overseas to the Edinburgh Fringe Festival, and we're throwing a little Fundraiser, and we're hoping to raise just enough money that he can get there, but not quite enough that he can get a return ticket.

This is going to be one of the best TYF!s to date, and Time Out NY has called this one of the week's Best Bets. Don't miss it, and don't be late!

Monday, July 28th
at the Lolita Bar
266 Broome, corner of Allen St.

8:00pm * $10.00

HOSTED BY: Liam McEneaney

WITH:
JOHN OLIVER
is a correspondent for "The Daily Show w/ Jon Stewart," and has been seen doing standup on "Late Night w/ Conan O'Brien" and his one-hour special for Comedy Central, "John Oliver: Terrifying Times"

TODD BARRY
from his two "Comedy Central Presents: Todd Barry" 1/2-hour specials, his latest album on Comedy Central Records "From Heaven," and his multiple appearances on "Late Show w/ David Letterman," "Late Night w/ Conan O'Brien," and just about every TV show that's ever had standup comedians as guests

WYATT CENAC
is the newest correspondent for "The Daily Show with Jon Stewart"; also, he is starring in something called "Untitled Kanye West HBO Project"

THE HAZZARDS
have appeared on Comedy Central's "The World Stands Up," have charted with their song "Gay Boyfriend," have performed at the Steve Martin Kennedy Center Honors, and recently released their first full-length album, "Secrets"

AND MUSICAL GUEST:
The Fools - a real Tell Your Friends! favorite

OUR HOUSE BAND: (Ann from) A Brief View of the Hudson!

PRODUCED BY: Liam McEneaney, Jessica Flores, Shana Young

WAY TO GO, THE COMIC STRIP CURTIS

2008-07-23T12:41:00.002-04:00

He lovee math long time:

Nice one Facebook!

2008-07-16T12:05:00.003-04:00

Here's a "funny" picture they give you to post on your friend's SuperWall:

METS METS METS!

2008-07-15T10:54:00.002-04:00

Let's be the least-deserving team to ever win a World Series!

I went to the Mets/Phillies game in Philadelphia a couple of weeks ago. I am on record as saying Philadelphia sports fans are the worst human beings on Earth, but I decided that since I was a visitor I would be polite and not get too crazy being an asshole sports fan rooting against them.

That resolution ended by the time I had walked from the parking lot to the stadium. in my Martinez #45 jersey and Mets cap. Wow are Phillies fans obnoxious, especially since they were something like 7 games up at the time. (Uh, not anymore, by the way, now they're only half a game ahead.) And it didn't help matters that I owuld come back at them with stuff like, "Cole Hamels is overrated!" (He is.) That had the same effect as waving your dick at a cageful of monkeys in the zoo.

Here is the epitome of my experience. Not the guys who threatened to beat the shit out of me, not the guys in another section who started attacking me on every concevable personal level. But this story:

Before the game started, I took the opportunity to use the men's room. the dude who was mopping the place started chanting, "Mets fans suck! Mets fans suck!" Now, I am sure that there are a lot of things in this man's life that suck - his job, the fact that he lives so close to a real city and yet remains in Philadelphia - and I'm not sure that my choice of sports teams is even going to crack the top ten.

So I said, "You know what else sucks? Standing ankle-deep in piss-water for ten bucks an hour." In a bathroom full of Phillies fans. And although I got booed and shouted at, I really genuinely believe that in their hearts, they appreciated the completely awful nature of what I said to that man.

Four Encounters with Failure

2008-07-14T11:07:00.001-04:00

First
I call it Liam’s First Law of Exponential Alcoholic Physics; the drunker you get, the blurrier the barriers of your personality become. One drink and I feel like a conversational superman, able to leap my own boundaries in a single sentence. Four drinks later, and I’m a bit more of a mess. And it’s those three drinks that always carry me beyond my normal mode of amiable socialness, to almost pathological in my desire to share my company with others; not even out of friendliness, but almost as a desire to punish the world with my good cheer.

And this is Liam’s Second Law: Just because you can recognize the fact that you’re a drunken asshole doesn’t mean you’ve stopped being a drunken asshole – in many ways it makes you worse.

They were two women at a booth in a bar that my friends in comedy called their home base, and I’d never seen them before. I joined them, which is always a surprise, and we got to talking; it was 2001, and so they were excited that they’d just seen Ben Folds perform live at the Roseland. I made fun of them for being excited that they’d just seen Ben Folds perform live at the Roseland, while they were indifferent to my pride at having just taped my first TV set a few nights previously.

They told me that they were waiting for their friend Ben. Now, this is a true story, and life being life you can see this next part coming, see it coming as clearly as the headlights of a semi on a clear summer night, approaching through the lonely desert night. I, on the other hand, was wearing not only my beer goggles but my beer blinders as well, and could see nothing but these two young women.

I returned form the bathroom to find their Ben sitting at the table. I asked how I knew him, and he feigned not to know. I asked if he had done improv, and he said that he did have a group with whom he had improvised onstage. And when he went to the bar with one woman, the other hissed, “That’s Ben Folds! Now, when he comes back to the table, you say, ‘Oh, I’m sorry, I was pretending I didn’t know who you were.” I told her what I thought of celebrities who need to be apologized to because you didn’t recognize them, and anyway, isn’t that what they always tell us, that all they want is to be left alone and treated like a normal person?

The conversation ended soon after, and as I was standing with my friends, I plotted the perfect revenge; I found the biggest music nerd among my friends, my buddy Craig, and told him, “That’s Ben Folds at that table there.” “I know! How did you end up talking to him?” “Oh, he’s a super-friendly guy. Seriously, you should go and talk to him.”

Within two minutes, there was a receiving line of fanboy comedians waiting to talk to Ben Folds. Within five minutes he was gone.

Second
When I write, I let my consciousness gradually slip from the world around it, until I am blinkered, until the world shrinks down to the pen, and the paper, and my hand. This was a sunny afternoon some many months ago, at the outdoor table of a sidewalk café, sitting in the sun and letting the noise of the city slip by. And I suddenly looked up as I felt a presence nearby. It was a physical presence, an aura exuded like a physical force field from the huddle of men talking two feet away, and before I heard the voice, and before I saw the man, his aura alerted me as if he had snuck up behind me and tapped me on the shoulder.

I should stop now and explain two things: The first is that at that moment, I was holding in my hand a brand-new thirty-dollar pen. It was an impulse buy, and one that filled me with no small amount of guilt; having survived a childhood of poverty, the idea of pending more than ten dollars on myself at any given time is as hard to come to grips with as the idea that all I have to do is stop breathing for a while and I will find swimming that much easier.

But it stood alone under the glass counter of the store in which I’d been browsing, and I knew then just looking at it that this wasn’t just a pen, but a companion, and one I would find hard-fit to replace. To say that it was shiny is a criminal understatement; its smooth silver surface winked merrily in the sunlight as its black velvet tip rolled flawlessly over the rough grains of the surface of the notebook paper.

This may make me sound uncommonly fussy, but it’s true; I find that I can only truly create with certain brands of pens, certain papers, certain notebooks made from certain kinds of material. It’s as if each material is a part of an organic machine, in which my actual ideas are merely the smallest, most insignificant cogs. And this was not just a pen, but a masterpiece of the creative arts. It rested perfectly against the writing callus of my right middle finger, becoming in extension a sixth digit of my hand. And you may find this unlikely dear reader, but the three months that I owned that pen were the easiest three months of writing I’ve ever experienced.

The second is that I never, ever recognize celebrities. When I meet them, I have a vague feeling that I should know who they are, in the way that anyone has when introduced to someone whose name was learned once at a party and then immediately forgotten. And in fact, there is nothing I resent more than meeting a celebrity if I am not a fan of their work, because I feel that there is an expectation that I should be, and I actually find the words coming out of my mouth because that is what celebrities expect, and if I don’t then there is an awkward hole where that sentiment should have been dropped in.

I heard his voice first, and it was as familiar to me as the writing callous on my right hand. I had heard it countless thousands of times, both in person and through the speakers of every stereo I had ever owned. And I looked up from my work to find two piercing blue eyes examining my notebook, my pen, my table, anything but climbing up over my face to meet the startled brown eyes that were magnified slightly by black-framed glasses. He was older than I expected, and he had an entourage of men about his age, and he pointed a delicate manicured finger at me, crooked and lined and slightly withered. Although it was only a finger, it was as if a powerful wizard had cast a spell, had launched an elemental force at me that immediately drained my body of its blood. And at that moment, I truly believe, that if I had been punctured I would not have bled; I would have deflated slowly, like a slightly startled balloon.

And Bob Dylan said in that voice I knew so well, “See, I need a pen like that.” And without even thinking, as if hypnotized, I found myself extending my writing hand, pen held aloft. The only way I could describe this scene is it was held out to him in the same way that a primitive villager would find himself, unwilling, unconsciously handing over a newborn child when suddenly finding himself face-to-face with his bemused-yet-demanding God.

And Bob Dylan took the pen, and he held it up, and he admired it, and he said to no one and the world, “This is a good pen. A pen like this, it’s full of some ideas.” Then, to a point past my ear, he explained, “Mine is used up.” And then he reached into a coat pocket and he pulled out a cheap, ten cent black plastic Bic with the pen cap chewed – and I looked at that cap, and realized, “My Lord, those are motherfucking Bob Dylan’s motherfucking teethmarks” – and he said, “You might get something out of this.”

And I stammered a thank you, and he tucked my silver pen into a pocket, and he and his men walked away. And I sat there, turning the black Bic over and over in my fingers, under the pressure of the angry, jealous stares of all the East Village hipsters who were undoubtedly already rehearsing the things they were going to tell their friends they’d said when Bob Dylan talked to them instead of me.

And although the Bic felt rough and uncomfortable nested within my fingers, I still pressed its tip against the paper, waiting for my idol’s spent ideas to come flowing out into my notebook. And nothing came. And I pressed harder and still there was nothing but the indentations of letters, and then I pressed the pen into the paper hard until it began tearing, and I realized that although the man is considered the poet laureate of rock and roll, that he wasn’t being mystical, or metaphorical when he said that his pen was used up. That he had meant it in a purely non-oracular sense. And that I had just thanked the man for the chance to trade his garbage for a treasured possession.

A year later, he released Modern Times, an album that most critics and fans agree is a middling retread of his previous, Love and Theft. And I can only hope that my beloved silver beauty was responsible for some of the albums better tunes. And the last time I went to see Bob Dylan, I was in an arena in New Jersey, and although I sat in the back row, up in the cheapest seats ten feet under the ceiling, I swear that from my vantage point, I could see a small, familiar object lying in shiny, metallic contrast atop his black grand piano.

Third
When my grandmother could no longer care for him in their own home, my grandfather was confined to a nursing home in the Bronx off of the Grand Concourse. I was a teenager and unable to cope with my own life, and I put off visiting him for as long as possible. And there came the day when I had run out of excuses, and so we piled into the car, my mother, my father, and me.

And I had been warned that he was confused, that he conflated the people in his present with his family from his childhood, that he called my grandmother by his sister’s name. That I should not expect the same man I had known, and loved.

But no one warned me that he had come upon his old age so rapidly. That he had withered like a balloon half-deflated in the summer sun. That his sharp brown eyes were now confused, and glazed. That everything that had made him human had been worn away through disease, through the decay of the human spirit that visits upon us all.

And he saw me, and he looked at me through eyes that peered through the cobwebs of the decades, and he said “Liam?” And this scared me, as if a mummy from a black-and-white horror movie had pierced the filmy silver screen and touched me, had laid a curse upon me that had turned my once-beating heart to ice.

And I am ashamed that I never visited him again before his death. And I believe that this shame stems not from the fact that I knew that I was so weak-willed that I could not stay with my grandfather, whom I loved, unto his last. But because ultimately, I was relieved that I would not be forced to.

Last
I do not believe in aliens, and I do not believe in UFOs. When asked for my religious views, my answer is generally, “From a distance, if at all possible.” As far as faith goes, I sincerely believe that if there is there is a God who created Mankind in His own image, and then he decided at the end of times to hand-pick a group of the chosen to ascend to heaven and sit at his right hand forever and ever amen, he will probably skip over the extreme Christian fringe and take up some folks who are actually fun to hang out with. Which is not to say that True Believers aren’t a lovely bunch; it’s just that they’re far less likely to pick up a six-pack of something cold on the way to a barbecue.

I have very little interest in the extraordinary or the supernatural, if only because the ordinary and natural is so fascinating to me. And having said all of that, I will tell you truthfully that I have had two out-of-body experiences. The first when I was newborn, and I was sick, and I had spinal meningitis, and the doctors believed that I might not live. And I remember watching my own little body in the nurse’s gloved hands as it was placed into the foil-covered incubator, and this more clearly than I can remember whatever I watched on television last night.

The second happened on a summer night, when I was so sick and so dehydrated that I could barely sleep from the burning under my skin. And I lay in bed, and my breathing slowed, and I felt my physical body slip away from me, and I was frightened that I was dying and yet I was so at peace I could feel no fear, nothing but the hum of the Universe as I floated up and up away from the world, into the great void, and I became one with everything, and then a great voice Spake unto me – and that is a pretentious way of phrasing it, I know, but this was such a grand voice that reverbated through my very soul as if I was some sort of cosmic Marshall Stack, that truly only the overtly grandiose words of the King James Bible can do it justice. And it spake unto me thusly, and I am quoting exactly, and I swear that this is a true story, and it sayeth unto me, “Appreciate Beck while you can, because he won’t be with you forever.”

And then gradually, the cosmos and the forever of eternity slipped away and I came back to my physical body, and the only way I can describe the feeling is as the exact opposite of candles melting into wax; slowly slipping back into my body like the fingers of a small child’s hand entwined in those of its mother’s. I found no great surprise there, in the discovery that, once again, the world had left me with more questions than answers.

I'm going to the Edinburgh Fringe Festival!

2008-07-12T21:46:00.004-04:00

And I'm throwing a Fun-Raiser! Come out!

Liam's Fun-Raiser for Edinburgh!

Monday, July 28th
at the Lolita Bar
266 Broome, corner of Allen St.

8:00pm * $10.00

WITH:
JOHN OLIVER
is a correspondent for "The Daily Show w/ Jon Stewart," and recently had his first one-hour special, "John Oliver: Terrifying Times," air on Comedy Central

WYATT CENAC
is the newest correspondent for The Daily Show with Jon Stewart

TODD BARRY
from his two "Comedy Central Presents: Todd Barry" 1/2-hour specials, his latest album on Comedy Central Records "From Heaven," and just about every TV show that's ever had standup comedians as guests

THE HAZZARDS
who have appeared on Comedy Central's "The World Stands Up," have charted with their song "Gay Boyfriend," have performed at the Steve Martin Kennedy Center Honors, and recently released their first full-length album, "Secrets"

MORE....

WITH OUR HOUSE BAND: A Brief View of the Hudson

PRODUCED BY: Liam McEneaney, Jessica Flores, Shana Young

liam mceneaney's writings with music:three from 'the onion'

2008-06-18T01:07:00.002-04:00

this is kind of last minute, but if you're in nyc and reading this, you should come check this out:

it's a reading show. where the readers have a live jazz band improvising behind them. every month it's a great show. and the crowds just keep getting bigger. this is the last "writings w/ music" show i'll do until september. so it's going to be a big deal.

that's why i'm really happy that i could have three of my friends who writer/editor for the onion come and read on this show. between them, they are responsible for producing not only several ny times best-selling books. but they have turned out decades of some of the country's sharpest satire and comic writing. on a weekly basis. in what might be the most influential comic organ since the glory years of the national lampoon.

i am excited. you are, too. we are expecting an audience. so come early. and often. (sorry.) here's the info:

* * * * *

liam mceneaney's writings with music:
'three from the onion'

wednesday, june 18th
at ochi's lounge
(below comix comedy club - 14th & 9th)

7:00pm - free admission (if you purchase a drink)

hosted by: liam mceneaney

with three from the onion:

joe garden

megan ganz

todd hanson

and live accompaniment from evan silverman's jazzhole - one of nyc's
premier jazz trios, led by silverman, a trained bassist with a
bachelor's in jazz, who has toured in support of such acts as echo & the
bunnymen and bob dylan

50 People You Will Meet In Heaven

2008-06-06T11:31:00.002-04:00

All I can say is that the Mitch Albom book, 5 People You Will Meet In Heaven, was a real disappointment. I bought it thinking that maybe his buddy Morrie had come to him in a dream with all the gossip of who had made it in, and what they were up to. Instead it was some inspirational crap story abotu some guy who gets led through his life. SNOOZE.

Well, fuck Mitch Albom. I got a list ten times longer than his, and it tell you who made it into heaven. Without any further ado...

50. The Wolf from that Warner Bros. “Jazz” Version of Little Red Riding Hood
He spent the last day of his life trying to kill and eat a 10 year-old girl and her poor old granny, got blown up through his own devices, and still he was last seen wearing a heavenly white gown and halo and wings, strumming a harp, and floating his way up to Heaven. One can only assume that the previous, unseen portion of his life was spent helping leprous orphans in the jobs he got for them constructing artificial limbs for returning veterans.

49. Your first dog
In Heaven, he will be given an intelligence 1000 times greater than that which he possessed on Earth. Not that he’ll be a genius, but he’ll about as smart as your average human being, or twice as smart as your average Flavor of Love contestant. However, your reunion will be bittersweet; he’ll be so embarrassed by his behaviour as your pet – running when you call, chasing sticks, allowing you to cut off his testicles – that he’ll spend a great deal of time avoiding you. He’ll let your emails go unanswered, send your calls to voice mail, and when you finally swallow your pride and walk to his house he’ll turn off his lights, duck behind the furniture, and pretend not to be home. When you finally run into each other at a party, it will be awkward.

48. The maitre d’
As the saying goes, “you can’t take it with you.” So you won’t have any money, but you will need to figure out how to “slip him a little something” if you don’t want to be seated in a shitty section.

47. Kurt Vonnegut
But he will spend a lot of time making a convincing case that where he is doesn’t really exist.

46. That preacher you saw screaming in Times Square in ’87
He will be the single smuggest man in Heaven, and will spend a lot of time saying things like, “I bet those tourists didn’t think it was so funny to take my picture now.” Or “Who’s laughing now, pimp and prostitutes and dealers?” Problem is, just because he’s right doesn’t mean he isnt’ completely nuts – the nicest thing you can do is smile, nod, and leave as quickly as possible.

45. Most of your ex-girlfriends
However, since it’s Heaven, you guys will never run into each other.

44. William Shakespeare
The closest you will get to meeting him is talking to his closest friend, the playwright Arthur Miller, who will get drunk and tell you that all of Shakespeare’s plays were actually written by Queen Elizabeth, who hired Shakespeare as a front because women weren’t allowed to participate in the theatre. You will want to confirm it but be unable to, as no member of the British Royal Family has ever actually made it in.

43. Jesus
But he’ll be kinda stand-offish until he sees you’re not one of “those” Christians.

42. God
And you will indeed discover that He is everywhere – except at the table when the check arrives.

41. John Lennon & George Harrison
Don’t get your hopes up – they still aren’t talking to each other.

40. Your first crush from Junior High School
Bad news about that; they didn’t know you were alive and they sure as Hell don’t care that you’re dead.

39. A surprising amount of personal injury attorneys
There to scrub toilets as part of a work-release program from an increasingly-crowded Hell.

38. The guy who wrote the Bible
You'll meet him at a party where he will explain that a lot has been lost in translation from the original Hebrew; for instance the story of Noah was originally about an increasingly-exasperated everyman whose family vacation is cut short by a series of crazy misadventures, culminating in a cruise through the worst storm ever seen. Then he will tell you that he originally envisioned Jack Lemmon in the role, but is now in talks with Steve Martin’s people. Then you will buy him a drink to go away.

37. L. Ron Hubbard
And man, he does not want to talk about it.

36. Jim Henson
The line to meet him will be about twenty times longer than the one to meet Moses.

35. Sam Kinison
And trust me, he’s more surprised than you are.

34. Jimi Hendrix
He runs a Guitar Center, and will kick you out if you start playing “Stairway.”

33. Your grandparents
And despite the fact that money holds no value up there, you can rest assured that every year you will find that they have sent you a slightly-humurous card with a check for five dollars inside.

32. Charles Darwin
Nice guy, but maybe enjoys a little too much wondering aloud how all his critics are doing “down there.”

31. Hugh Hefner
Have you seen him? He’s clearly died twenty years ago, and the thing animating his skin is the ghost of an ancient Native American whose remains had been laid to rest in the land where, centuries later, the Playboy Mansion’s grotto was dug. It is a wise spirit who has discovered that the only thing it loves more than its people and the land they once tended is busty airheaded blonds.

30. The poet Samuel Taylor Coleridge
He’s a little nuts, really, and very hard to talk to. But you’ll hang with him for the same reason everyone else does; he knows all the dealers, and one phone call to a guy will get you the pure, uncut good shit.

29. Adolf Hitler
Relax, it's not that Adolf Hitler. This Adolf Hitler is an Austrian gentleman who died in 1743, is in no way related to the famous namesake, and has long resigned himself to explaining all this in great detail any time he meets anyone.

28. The Rolling Stones
FOR THREE NIGHTS ONLY! Seriously, those guys will tour anywhere they can get paid.

27. The sculptor Michaelangelo
In one of those ironic twists of fate, he met the actual Biblical David in line in a Starbucks (and yes, there’s a Starbucks up there. There’s a Starbucks everywhere; in Heaven, though, the coffee doesn’t taste burnt). David was going through a breakup, and one thing led to another, and now they live together, even though the real David is a bit hairier and paunchier than Michaelangelo imagined he’d be.

26. Dr. Sigmund Freud
But good luck getting an appointment; he’s booked up for the next three millennia, and even when he can see you, you’re going to go through three issues of The New Yorker before he can even see you.

25. Martin Luther King
He’ll tell you that he has a brand-new dream; one that involves waiting for James Earl Ray with a sock full of batteries. Then, when he sees the look on your face, he’ll tell you to relax; it’s just a joke. But you can tell by the look in his eyes that he’s kinda not kidding.

24. Marco Polo
For a world-famous explorer and conquerer of new lands, you’ll find him surprisingly approachable and easy to talk to. Probably because you spent a semester abroad in China, and he’s genuinely curious to hear how it’s changed since he first met the Khan. However, any chance at finishing your conversation will be ruined when a friend of his approaches and addresses him as “Marco!” You will, without even thinking, instinctively reply, “POLO!” He’ll give you a cold stare, and excuse himself. His friend will apologize on his behalf and explain that he’s heard that joke about a billion times.

23. Charles Nelson Reilly
For the win.

22. Eugene Fodor
The creator of the Fodor Travel Guides. He finds Heaven to have friendly natives, good food, and some amazing views, but will tell you that overall it doesn’t hold a candle to New Zealand.

21. Dr. Jack Kevorkian
In a case of true celestial irony, none of his patients will be there, as suicide is still considered by Heavenly authorities to be a mortal sin.

20. All 27 of the Original Three Stooges

19. Ghandi
Even though you’re an avowed fan of his hunger strikes and his civil disobedience in fighting to free India from the yoke of British oppression, there’s always that one guy who’s going to tell you that he was a fan of his earlier work, and will lecture you on what he calls “Ghandi’s first and best period, The South African Years.” You will meet the man, and all he will say to you is, “My first name is Mohandas, dammit. Mohandas. Where do people keep getting this ‘Mohatma’ shit?” Then he’ll mutter angrily to himself before continuing to feed nearby pigeons out of a goldfish crackers bag, reaching into the bag and sprinkling the little yellow crackers on the sidewalk in front of him.

18. St. Sharkey, the Patron Saint of Nothin’
Surprise surprise, he didn’t earn his sainthood; he won it off of St. Aquinas in an all-night poker game.

17. A Lot More Gay People than the Fundamentalists Think
And they live in their own neighborhood; not because straight people don’t want to live near them, but because they can’t afford to. As usual, once the gays started moving in, they brought nice shops and restaurants with them, sending the property values skyrocketing.

16. Baron Manfred Albrecht Freiherr von Richthofen
The World War I flying ace. However, this is actually Hell for him, for as soon as people find out who he is, he is forced to say “Yes, the guy from the Snoopy cartoons.” Over and over and over again.

15. Theodore Geisel aka Dr. Seuss
It’s probably not a good idea to bring up Seussical: The Musical around this guy; the nicest thing he has ever said about is,
“Oh fractious farce!, oh horrific reception!
Though abortion I’m pro, in this case
I will make an exception.”

14. Friedrich Nietszche
The famous German philosopher. Be warned that shortly after his arrival, his friends found him to be “too intense,” and so to “mellow him out a bit” they got him to start smoking weed. You’ll be disappointed to find that now he spends a lot of time sitting on his couch, eating Captain Crunch straight from the box, and lecturing to anyone who will listen that the secret of life can be found in old Bruce Lee movies.

13. Lou Gehrig
Who will be the first to admit that perhaps, on the day when he was forced to retire from baseball because he was dying young of a disease so rare they named it after him, perhaps he was not “the luckiest man on the face of the Earth.”

12. Andy Griffith
You will understand in an intellectual sense that actors are just people playing a part, and that just because someone isn’t as nice as the character he played on TV it doesn’t make him a dick. And that no actual living person could be as nice as Sheriff Andy Taylor of Mayberry. That being said when you meet Andy Griffith, you’ll still be disappointed.

11. A Group of Some of the Most Important Black Figures From History, including WEB DuBois, Jan Matzeliger, A. Philip Randolph, Alain Locke, and Rosa Parks
Of course, Rosa Parks is the only one you’ve heard of. However, you probably shouldn’t refer to her as “That bus lady,” at least not to her face.

10. Grateful Dead Frontman and Noted Hippie Jerry Garcia
And word to wise; he’s remembered more for his musicianship than for his personal hygiene if you get my drift; and if you don’t get my drift, you will get his pretty quickly.

09. James Doohan
The guy who played “Scotty” on Star Trek. Although he does go to Hell twice a year, but only because that’s where all the sci-fi conventions are.

08. Ernesto “Ché” Guevera
You’ll know him; he’s the guy wearing a t-shirt with a picture of an NYU Freshman on the front.

07. The Guy Who Invented the “Pu Pu Platter”
Be warned, he doesn’t get why everyone seems to find it so funny.

06. You Remember That Guy from Your Office, the “Funny” One Who Always Busted Out Those “Hilarious” Catch Phrases Like “Yeah Baby!” and “Niiice!”
Not him, he’s in Hell. But you will probably get to meet that guy’s wife, because the woman had to have either been born deaf or a saint.

05. Sammy Davis, Junior, and Dean Martin
Who, every Sunday like clockwork, get a long-distance call from Frank Sinatra.

04. You
Surprised? Quite a few people who knew you would be as well. You’ll spend the first few hundred years up there keeping a low profile, just in case it turns out there was some kind of mistake and you weren’t supposed to get in. In time, you’ll be able to relax, make some friends. Eventually, you will find yourself in a post-existential crisis as you find yourself hanging out all day, drinking beer and playing video games, and you’ll realize that you are wasting your afterlife in exactly the same way you wasted your actual life.

03. Graaargh, The Guy Who Invented the Wheel
He’s really bitter; he apparently met a patent attorney who told him how much money he’s theoretically owed in back-royalties. However, he’s easier to talk to than Raaaaarrrgh, the guy who went down in history as the guy who discovered fire, and then immediately went down in history as the first guy to die in a fire-related accident, and then went down in history as the only guy to ever serve as the entrée in a Sabertooth Tiger’s Barbecue. Ironically, Raaaaaarrrrgh is not only his name, but also the noise he made when he made all his discoveries.

02. Bill Gates
Oh, he isn’t dead. He’s just rich enough that he can afford a summer home there.

01. Jimmy Stewart
But you knew that, didn’t you?

MY MOTHER ONLY SPANKED ME ONCE, AS I RECALL

2008-05-12T16:35:00.003-04:00

And I will start by saying that my mom was always a good cook. BUT - she was always worried that pork chops were going to give and my sister trichyn - tricch - sickness. So she would cook them until they were the color, shape, and consistency of hockey pucks. Seriously, I once got a splinter in my gums from these things. You dipped them in a glass of water, they wouldn't get wet - they'd just dissolve and make gravy.

You might well ask, "Why bother to make pork chops at ally?" because if she didn't, then pork would win and HER FAMILY WAS GOING TO ENJOY POKR CHOPS WHETHER THEY LIKED IT OR NOT.

Now, it was a night when my father was working late, it was my sister, my mother, and I sitting around the table, staring at our dinner. And my mom gets a phone call, and my sister and I look at each other.

Now, I don't know where my sister got the ping pong ball; I assume it was from a school art project. All I know is, when my mother came back, my sister and I were playing Ping Pong across the table using the pork chops as paddles.

And my mother said, "Do you think that's funny?"

And I said, "Yes."

And she said, "Well, you can go to bed without any dinner."

And we both said, "YAYYY!"

And then she said, "Get back in here. Now you're going not going to not go to bed without not eating - eat the damn pork chops!"

And then she said, "You know, there are starving children in Africe who would be happy to see those pork chops."

And I said, "Why? because they forgot what real food looks like?"

And my mother picked me up over shoulder one-handed like an NFL linebacker and carried me into the living room for a spanking.

I PWNED GTA IV IN ONLY THREE HOURS AND I have screenshots to prove it

2008-05-07T14:23:00.007-04:00

That's right, bitches. We've all got Grand Theft Auto IV. Some of you are taking your time exploring the game's vast world. Some of you are there to kick ass and some of you are enjoying the "social satire."

But I, and only I, have pwned all of you by completely finishing GTAIV in a shade under THREE HOURS. And I have the screenshots to prove it. Suck it bitches!

First of all, here's me carjacking an elderly couple right off the bat:

You see that shiz-bit? I'm pointing a gun at those motherfuckers and turning them bitch, just like I'm doing to all of you with my amazing GTAIV SKILLZ SET.

And speaking of shiz-bitches, you gotta look good when you're styling around Liberty City. Which is why I bought me these dope motherfucking pants. I got them for free by killing the cashier, as you can see in this screenshot:

Next I am with my main girl Michele. Some of you fucked her on the second date. Some of you fucked her on the first date. I, and only I, managed to fuck her within ten minutes of meeting her. Enjoy this screen capture:

Of course, you can get caught by the motherfuckin' Russian mafia. I did. Here they are literally beating the shit out of me:

And when you win the game - and believe me when I say I pwned that motherfucker - you get this final screen:

In conclusion, you suck and I rule!

Free Show Monday...

2008-02-22T12:53:00.001-05:00

TELL YOUR FRIENDS!
Monday, February 25th
The Lolita Bar
226 Broome St.
(corner of Allen St.)
8:00pm - FREE

* * * * *

HOST: Eric Kirchberger

WITH:
Tom Shillue
starred in his own "Comedy Central Presents: Tom Shillue" 1/2-hour special, and just released his own album, "Overconfident!"

Marina Franklin
has been seen on “Chapelle’s Show”, NBC’s “Last Comic Standing,” “Show Time at The Apollo,” Comedy Central’s “Premium Blend,” Dutch TV's "The Comedy Factory" and the BBC’s “The World Stands Up,” and at the Montreal Comedy Festival and the Bonnaroo Music Festival

Liam McEneaney
from VH1's "Best Week Ever" and Comedy Central's "Premium Blend"

Mike Dobbins
is an awesome, insane force of comedy nature

and special guest:

Karin Fagerlund
is a news anchor for TV-4 in Sweden, making her stand-up debut!

WHAT THE PRESS HAS SAID ABOUT "TELL YOUR FRIENDS!"
* Time Out New York called it a "DON'T MISS" several times, and said: "With a slew of talented stand-ups . . . and folk-rock duo 'A Brief View of the Hudson,' Liam McEneaney's new showâ€”and 'workout comedy room'â€”is sure to please."

* The NY Daily News made it a Monday pick of the day.

* AM New York put it in their "Best Bets" section.

* "Editor's Pick!" - clubfreetime.com

* The Onion says, "Though it's pegged as a 'workout room' for comics to test their new(ish) material, Liam McEneaney's weekly show Tell Your Friends flexes enough comedic muscle to pull its weight alongside more established downtown shows. Demetri Martin, Slovin & Allen, and Late Night With Conan O'Brien writer Brian Kiley are among the stand-ups who have squeezed into Lolita's narrow space since the show's debut this summer, alongside the surprisingly tolerable resident folk duo A Brief View of the Hudson."

* "It's been a while since we wrote about Tell Your Friends but this weekly comedy series deserves a nod. Every Monday they belt out top notch comedy at rock bottom prices with performers who have appeared on Comedy Central, Conan O'Brien, Jimmy Kimmel, and more." - FreeNYC.net

* "'Tell Your Friends!' This, the well-earned title of Lolita Bar's upcoming comedy show, rings true for anyone looking for a good time and great comedy at no charge.
(The comedians') collective resume spans Comedy Central, including "The Daily Show," "Premium Blend" and "Live at Gotham." They are simply some of the best club comedians in America today." - The Times Herald-Record (Upstate NY)

TELL YOUR FRIENDS RETURNS 2NITE!

2008-02-18T08:36:00.000-05:00

TELL YOUR FRIENDS!
Monday, February 18, 2008

The Lolita Bar
226 Broome St.
(corner of Allen St.)
8:00pm - FREE

HOST: Chris DeLuca

WITH:
Leo Allen
has his own "Comedy Central Presents: Leo Allen" 1/2-hour special, and the "Comedy Central Presents: Slovin & Allen" 1/2-hour special and he's been on "Ate Night w/ Conan O'Brien" and he's written for "Saturday Night Live"

Jackie Kashian
is the star of her own "Comedy Central Presents: Jackie Kashian" 1/2-hour special

Liam McEneaney
from VH1's "Best Week Ever" and Comedy Central's "Premium Blend"

Andres DuBouchet
is on strike from his job as a writer for FOX's "Talkshow w/ Spike Feresten"

LAST NIGHT IT FINALLY HAPPENED

2008-01-23T21:31:00.000-05:00

A woman in her early 20s called me "sir."

What do you do?

I patted her on the head and offered her a hard candy.

VIDEO FROM EUROPE

2007-12-25T15:08:00.000-05:00

Here I am, getting introduced in Swedish by my buddy Christopher at Comedy Street in Stockholm, Sweden. I was going to tape my whole set but, well, you'll see:

Here I am, on the last day of my tour, at Comedy Cellar in the International Bar in Dublin, Ireland. It's the oldest comedy club in Dublin, and if it's shot from a weird angle, it's because my friend Beth had to shoot it from the front row, because the audience was so crammed that otherwise she wouldn't have had a sightline. I was out of my mind from exhaustion, and I smelled like a pile of dirty laundry. Over all, it went well.

PART 1:

PART 2:

After my set, I went downsatirs to the bar, and a fiddle band started playing all spontaenious-like. Awesome. Too bad my camera has a kinda shitty mic, so you can't hear them too good. But please note that if your instrument only requires one hand, you can use the other hand for drinking your pint!' A great send-off for an amazing trip:

IT MUST BE CHRISTMAS IN DUBLIN

2007-12-14T18:33:00.000-05:00

Santa's enjoying a smoke break:

A COUPLE OF PICTURES FROM LONDON

2007-12-06T17:53:00.000-05:00

Hey gng, I'm currently writing from a Coffedia in East Berlin, so I'll upload more pictures when I have a chance. Meanwhile, enjoy this:

London's Stansted airport has made one contribution ot the betterment of society. I have yet to see this anywhere else in the world:

Having experienced first-hand Londoners' inability to give you directions to any given place...

... I can honestly believe that this conversation took place:

BLOKE 1: Pardon me, old chap, I say, have you bally well seen St. Paul's Cathedral? I can't for the bally life of me find the rummy old thing.

BLOKE 2: Eh, what?

BLOKE 1: I say, old, man, it's a bally huge cathedral, a testament to God's greater glory don't you know.

BLOKE 2: Can't say as I have, old bean. Cathedral, you say? Most likely a huge thing made of brick and concrete and marble and all that old rot?

BLOKE 1: Oh, I say, here it is, right in front of my bally face. If only they would erect signs to clearly label where these bloody things are hidden.

BLOKE 2: I say, steady on old chap.

And I believe that conversation's happened more than once. More than once a day.

PARIS BY NIGHT

2007-11-30T16:29:00.000-05:00

The trip to the very top of the Eiffel Tower is a somewhat expensive one, and yet it is the best value your money buy. And you must go on a clear night, an hour before closing for two reasons: firstly, you miss any lines. Secondly, on a clear night you can see why they call it "The City of Lights," and why every generation of travellers falls in love anew.

The trip will take place in two stages - the first, in a rickety red lift. As you slowly click your way up the first two stages, you will be reminded over and over again that your life lies in the hands of that famous French engineering. This will be of no comfort.

The second part of your journey involves a trip on a whole other lift, and this is like being whisked up and up, into the skies over France, like in Willy Wonka's flying glass elevator.

Paris is the most beautiful city I've ever been in, and that's no joke. It's a shame it's filled with so many French people.

More pictures later, and i know I owe you guys pictures/stories from London, Edinburgh, and Glasgow. patience my pretties, patience.

SUNSET ON THE SEINE

2007-11-28T12:25:00.000-05:00

Today, I was walking down a street in Paris when a camera crew approached me, stuck a mic in my face. A French journalist (I'm guessing) asked me a lengthy question in French, then looked at me expectantly for an answer.

Not knowing what to say, I replied, "SOUTH SIDE DETROIT REPRESENT!" And threw some gang signs.

So if you're watching the French Evening News tonight, look out for that.

BONJOUR!

2007-11-27T09:54:00.000-05:00

PICTURES FROM DUBLIN

2007-11-21T05:43:00.001-05:00

I know I haven't been writing much, and sorry. But if a picture is worth a thousand words, then this post is my A La Recherche du Temps (literal translation: "Just Like A Legal Secretary"). The following are some pictures from Ireland, and you can click on them to make them (much) larger:

* * * * *

O'Connell Street, where the bus from the airport lets you off:

"Welcome to Dublin, you fuckin' fuck."

* * * * *

Outside McDaid's, where Behan drank:

"His children had to search fifteen pubs to roll him home."

* * * * *

Irish women are mean. And I was talking to a guy and I said exactly that to him, and he said, kind of angry, "What do you mean by that?" And I said, "Exactly what I said, they're angry and sharp and have no patience and say only the cruelest things they can think of."
And he said, "Oh, you've met my mother."

* * * * *

The jay-walking is crazy, and that's coming from a guy who grew up a block from "The Boulevard of Death." In Dublin, green means "walk," and red means "run":

* * * * *

From O'Connell Bridge:

* * * * *

A fellow tourist, looking as lost as I feel:

* * * * *

A friend's house in Dublin. Please note the room's centerpiece:

* * * * *

Yes, this is a real restaurant:

Their motto: "We're not as happy to serve you as you think."

* * * * *

Scenes from the River Liffey:

* * * * *

From Dublin Castle:

* * * * *

Scenes from Monkstown on the Shore:

* * * * *

Pictures from London soon, I promise...

Flying Into Ireland

2007-11-10T10:11:00.000-05:00

The first piece of advice I would give to anyone flying AerLingus, Ireland’s official airline, is that you must must must make sure that you check in through their website the night before. If not, if you wait until you’re at the airport, you will find yourself among the scene the I found myself witnessing at the airline: a long line, stretching around the “Self-Service Check-In” kiosks, of disappointed Irishmen-and-women, staring grimly at the group of baggage-laden families in front of them, all thinking the same thing I thought when I approached: “Here I am, two-and-a-half hours early, and I might miss my flight.”

However, I quickly discovered that since I had done the on-line check-in, I wasn’t waiting on linel I stood in the Web Check-In line and was the next to have my baggage weighed and tagged, and my boarding pass issued. However, this led me to a longer, more serious line – the line to get through security; and really, airport security seems more designed to protect airplanes from their paying passengers than terrorism. The passport clearance procedure was this: two young women sitting at dirty card table, examing passports slowly and carefully, as the line stretched seventy-five deep into the heart of the food court that makes the lower level of JFK airport’s Terminal 4.

The trip through the actual security was relatively quick, thanks to the dogged efforts of these two young women to keep passengers from taxing the X-Ray machine.

Sitting in the gate, waiting for my flight to board, I sat a foot away from the public phones, and was witness to a conversation that, if I had heard it in a movie about the drama of Irish émigrés, would have found it intolerably clichéd: a stout woman, ruddy-faced, red-haired, with a brogue tempered by years of living in Queens, crying into the phone, saying, “I want to stay with you. I don’t want to be here. I don’t want to leave.” This by itself would have been unremarkable, but it was what she said next that made it so Irish drama-cartoonish that if I had been watching this scene on TV, I would have flipped over for the baseball scores in disgust: She quickly collected herself, then said calmly, “How are you? Listen, I don’t want you to cry, okay? You have to be strong, because you’re in charge of the babies, alright? … How are you Rose? Staying out of trouble, are ya darlin’? Listen, if you have any problems, call Anna. Yes, she’s in the book.” And with little else, she hung up and walked away, crying softly. A scene that touching and melodramatic would have lined the bottom of a Hollywood screenwriting hack’s waste basket, and yet it’s one that is probably played out hundreds of times over the course of the day in every airport in every language around the world.

* * * * *

The upholstery and the dresses of AerLingus all of one color: green, as if to say, “You’ll find no Protestant traitors here. If you want that, go fly AerCromwell.”

The odd thing about most airplanes is that, even though smoking has been banned on flights for about twenty years now, they all still come equipped with No Smoking signs that light up, as if waiting for the glorious day when the lawmakers of the civilized world all one day come to their senses, and repeal these antismoking laws, and we can have a return to that glorious time when you were stuck aboard a small confined space choked with grey layers and the yellow sweat of nicotine.

Five more hours and I land in Shannon. I transfer at Shannon for Dublin. As I doze at the window, I look out over the waking green land, green and lush. I see the sun rising in the east over Ireland. It’s trapped behind a bank of clouds, and it turns these clouds an angry orange. It looks as if, in the distance, a volcano has erupted, or an island has caught fire. It is beautiful. It is foreign-yet-familiar. It is Ireland.

FARE THE WELL MY HONEY, FARE THEE WELL MY ONLY TRUE LOVE

2007-11-02T16:45:00.000-04:00

"IT WAS A BABY!!!"... And with those words, Hawkeye Pierce bid adieu to the Korean War, the funniest, most heart-warming war in America's history. (TV wouldn't see another war that simultaneously sad and hilarious until Star Jones' final week on The View. Bing bong!)

And in a very similar way, I am bidding adieu to New York City; but not to worry, because even though this coming Monday will see me winging my way over the Atlantic Ocean, Tell Your Friends! will still continue its tradition of bringing high-class comedy at lowbrow prices. This is thanks to my friends Kambri Crews and Molly Mandel, who will be producing the show in my absence.

However, not to worry; I'm bringing my laptop along, so not only will I continue to post on this blog, but I'm going to be sharing stories about my adventures around the world. On my e-mail list; if you're not subscribed to my e-mail list, just drop me a line at mceneaneyl (at) aol.com. So please continue to check this space for the best show in New York City... and beyond. (And if you missed the big show at Karma, or just want to relive it, you can find pictures here.)

Meanwhile, please come out this Monday and check out this fantastic lineup:

Monday, November 5th
TELL YOUR FRIENDS!
at the Lolita Bar
266 Broome St., corner of Allen
8:00pm - $5.00

WITH YOUR HOST: Michelle Collins - from VH1's hit show Best Week Ever

AND:

Brian Kiley
is a writer for NBC's Late Night w/ Conan O'Brien, which I understand is big with the kids. He's also done standup on Late Night, The Late Show w/ David Letterman, The Tonight Show w/ Jay Leno, and his own half-hour Comedy Central Presents: Brian Kiley special.

Amanda Melson
is a writer for VH1's Best Week Ever, and has appeared on Comedy Central's Live at Gotham.

Todd Levin
has appeared on Comedy Central's Premium Blend, and his writings have appeared in The Modern Humorist, The Onion, GQ, Glamour, and Jest magazines.

Shayna Ferm
is a newcomer to TYF!, but not comedy. She has played venues like Joe’s Pub, The Knitting Factory, Mercury Lounge, Ars Nova, and Moonwork.

and of course, our house band, A Brief View of the Hudson

Produced by Kambri Crews, Molly Mandel, Liam McEneaney

WHAT THE PRESS HAS SAID ABOUT "TELL YOUR FRIENDS!"
* Time Out New York called it a "DON'T MISS" several times, and said: "With a slew of talented stand-ups . . . and folk-rock duo 'A Brief View of the Hudson,' Liam McEneaney's new showâ€”and 'workout comedy room'â€”is sure to please."

* The NY Daily News made it a Monday pick of the day.

* AM New York put it in their "Best Bets" section.

* The Onion says, "Though it's pegged as a 'workout room' for comics to test new material, Liam McEneaney's weekly show Tell Your Friends flexes enough comedic muscle to pull more than its weight alongside other downtown shows. Demetri Martin, Jim Gaffigan, and The Daily Show's John Oliver are among the stand-ups who have squeezed into Lolita's narrow space during the show's two-year run, alongside the surprisingly tolerable resident folk duo A Brief View of the Hudson... (and) a slew of acts likely worth crowding into a hallway-sized room for."

* "It's been a while since we wrote about Tell Your Friends but this weekly comedy series deserves a nod. Every Monday they belt out top notch comedy at rock bottom prices with performers who have appeared on Comedy Central, Conan O'Brien, Jimmy Kimmel, and more." - FreeNYC.net

* "'Tell Your Friends!' This, the well-earned title of Lolita Bar's upcoming comedy show, rings true for anyone looking for a good time and great comedy... (The comedians') collective resume spans Comedy Central, including "The Daily Show," "Premium Blend" and "Live at Gotham." They are simply some of the best club comedians in America today." - The Times Herald-Record (Upstate NY)

ABOUT OUR HOUSE BAND
A Brief View of the Hudson is a folk-rock duo that blows away audiences at every show they play.
Here's what the press has said:
* "BEST FOLK DUO"
"It's rare that we like a band from the first chord. Yet the first time we saw folk duo A Brief View of the Hudson play at the Bowery Poetry Club we were hooked.
"Ann Enzminger and Nicholas Nace incorporate many of the best characteristics of both country music and classic rock without sounding derivative...Enzminger is a tiny woman, a hair taller than five feet, but with an opera-trained voice as big and sweet as a bowling ballâ€“size Hershey Kiss. Nace's twangy talk-singing adds a quirky and ear-catching roughness; we crave the combination time and again." - The NY Press
* "It is not often that a band sounds like nothing you've ever heard & still sounds good. That's what you get from A Brief View of the Hudson." - The NY Sun
* "A Brief View of the Hudson features Ann Enzminger's arrestingly powerful vocals, which are well tuned to the duo's graceful songs of indie-folk heartbreak." -Time Out NY

Article on the Daily News' website

2007-10-29T15:30:00.000-04:00

Read it here!

IF YOU HAVEN'T READ THIS WEEK'S ISSUE OF TIME OUT NY

2007-10-25T11:12:00.001-04:00

I was featured in their comedy section for their "Joke of the Week":

Anyway, the show it's promoting is listed in the post right below:

TWO SHOWS TO PLUG

2007-10-22T01:14:00.000-04:00

Here's a badass flyer for a show I'm doing next Monday to kick-off my European tour. (You can click on it to make it much bigger.) (Just added: Demetri Martin)

And here's info on a show tonight that you should also come check out:

Monday, October 22nd
TELL YOUR FRIENDS!
at the Lolita Bar
266 Broome St., corner of Allen
8:00pm - $5.00

HOST: Eric Kirchberger

WITH:
Joe Garden
a writer/editor for The Onion

Liam McEneaney
from Comedy Central's Premium Blend and VH1's Best Week Ever

Rob Paravonian
from Comedy Central and the Internet sensation, "Pachelbel Rant"

Seth Herzog
the NYC comedy hurricane

Brent Sullivan
a funny young man with lots to say

and of course, our house band, A Brief View of the Hudson

WHAT THE PRESS HAS SAID ABOUT "TELL YOUR FRIENDS!"
* Time Out New York called it a "DON'T MISS" several times, and said: "With a slew of talented stand-ups . . . and folk-rock duo 'A Brief View of the Hudson,' Liam McEneaney's new showâ€”and 'workout comedy room'â€”is sure to please."

* The NY Daily News made it a Monday pick of the day.

* AM New York put it in their "Best Bets" section.

* The Onion says, "Though it's pegged as a 'workout room' for comics to test new material, Liam McEneaney's weekly show Tell Your Friends flexes enough comedic muscle to pull more than its weight alongside other downtown shows. Demetri Martin, Jim Gaffigan, and The Daily Show's John Oliver are among the stand-ups who have squeezed into Lolita's narrow space during the show's two-year run, alongside the surprisingly tolerable resident folk duo A Brief View of the Hudson... (and) a slew of acts likely worth crowding into a hallway-sized room for."

* "It's been a while since we wrote about Tell Your Friends but this weekly comedy series deserves a nod. Every Monday they belt out top notch comedy at rock bottom prices with performers who have appeared on Comedy Central, Conan O'Brien, Jimmy Kimmel, and more." - FreeNYC.net

* "'Tell Your Friends!' This, the well-earned title of Lolita Bar's upcoming comedy show, rings true for anyone looking for a good time and great comedy... (The comedians') collective resume spans Comedy Central, including "The Daily Show," "Premium Blend" and "Live at Gotham." They are simply some of the best club comedians in America today." - The Times Herald-Record (Upstate NY)

ABOUT OUR HOUSE BAND
A Brief View of the Hudson is a folk-rock duo that blows away audiences at every show they play.
Here's what the press has said:
* "BEST FOLK DUO"
"It's rare that we like a band from the first chord. Yet the first time we saw folk duo A Brief View of the Hudson play at the Bowery Poetry Club we were hooked.
"Ann Enzminger and Nicholas Nace incorporate many of the best characteristics of both country music and classic rock without sounding derivative...Enzminger is a tiny woman, a hair taller than five feet, but with an opera-trained voice as big and sweet as a bowling ballâ€“size Hershey Kiss. Nace's twangy talk-singing adds a quirky and ear-catching roughness; we crave the combination time and again." - The NY Press
* "It is not often that a band sounds like nothing you've ever heard & still sounds good. That's what you get from A Brief View of the Hudson." - The NY Sun
* "A Brief View of the Hudson features Ann Enzminger's arrestingly powerful vocals, which are well tuned to the duo's graceful songs of indie-folk heartbreak." -Time Out NY

Cana-Do!

2007-10-18T13:48:00.000-04:00

I so rarely write about any road gigs I do, and mostly it’s because there’s a depressing sameness to them. But I just did a fun show, so here’s a little window into my life:

I went up to Canada a couple nights ago, did a show for the kids at a college up there. I flew up to Detroit Metro Airport and then connected to the Chippewa “International” Airport in Sault Ste Marie, MI. (I added the quote marks there myself. Although it would be hilarious if the staff there just kind of rolled their eyes and said, “Who are we kidding? I mean, really?”) And actually, that’s where I’m writing this entry right now, waiting for my flight home.

At Chippewa "International" Airport. Guess who forgot to pack a comb?

I’d never gone through Detroit International Airport before, and if you’ve never been, there’s a big metal tunnel you go through, really long, like something you’d see Storm Troopers running through in Star Wars. I’m guessing a quarter mile long, no exaggeration. Okay, and the walls are brightly-lit solid colors that change in time to this weird trance music that pulses through the walls. It’s like they’re saying, “Welcome to Detroit. If you’re here, you’re either on drugs or you’re going to be. Either way, let’s get you ready.”

And I’m going to say that I would love to be as relaxed at my job as the people who work at airport food stands. Seriously, they ain’t got nowhere to go, so why you got to be all rushing me! I mean, I always wanted to find a woman to grow old with; I just didn’t think it would be waiting on my sandwich at Einstein Brothers Bagels, Concourse C.

Okay, so I got on this tiny, cramped plane. And I’m always mindful that folks outside of the US have this stereotype of how Americans are, and it’s usually some cowboy Larry the Cable Guy kind of person, and it’s unfair because most Americans aren’t that way and you can’t base these stereotypes on bad movies that make it out of the US. And then I’m on line boarding this plane, and I hear a very strong, Southern, redneck voice behind me say loudly, “Who yew talkin’ to, faggot?” And I turn to look, and this is a guy in full camouflage gear talking to a guy in a full-on hunting outfit, and I mean down to the bright orange vest. And they’re talking loudly about the fireworks they’re bringin’ to the show. And it was like someone was making a movie called, “Oh! Those Stupid Americans!” and told the leads to show up in character.

Okay, so I get on this tiny, cramped plane. And I mean, it was so small we picked up a hitchhiker on the way. (You’re welcome.) And the flight attendant is reading us the preflight safety instructions – over a loudspeaker – to all seven of us. Even though she could have literally sat us all down in a circle and explained it personally. Right, and so she’s telling us about how our seat can be used as a flotation device, and I look out the window and I shit you not, I saw that it was a plane with propellers. What is this, World War I? Forget the flotation device, lady; I want to know how to avoid getting shot down by the Red Baron.

And then she proceeds to tell us how to use a seatbelt and offer to show us if we can’t figure it out. And I’m sorry, but if you don’t know how to use a seatbelt, you aren’t making it. In fact, I said, “If you can’t use a seatbelt, please raise your hand because I’m using you as a flotation device.”

Okay, so I got to the Canadian airport in a cab – and thank God, I had plenty of time to hear the driver’s views on why kids these days are disrespectful of their elders. No lie, it felt like I was stuck in a conversation from about 1957, down to the complaints that the kids who hang out at the malls don’t hold the doors for the elderly. I was expecting him to sing “Kids, I don’t know what’s wrong with these kids today,” from Bye-Bye Birdie.

I mean, was there ever a generation that thought the youngsters were anything but snot-nosed punks? I guarantee there were cavemen saying, “Them kid with them fancy wheel rolling around. In me day, we no have fire. In me day, we club Stegosaur with rock and we like!!!!”

And we got to the border. And if you work for Canadian Customs and you found this blog by Googling me, I apologize for lying to you at the border; and not only lying, but lying in a very obvious, borderline-insulting way.

See, I ended up getting held up at Customs for quite a while; I didn’t have a visa to work up there, and I’ve heard enough stories about guys getting turned away to be wary about telling the truth. So I told them that I was just visiting a friend overnight.

And let’s take a look at this story; I was asking the good people of the Canadian government to believe that I took a flight to Detroit, then a connecting flight to Sault Ste. Marie, MI, then got a cab into Canada to visit a friend. For about twenty hours. On top of all that, I could not for the life of me remember the name of the friend I was supposedly visiting, the woman who booked me. Let’s be honest; I choked under the pressure. It only took a minute to remember her name, but what an agonizing, drama-filled minute that was.

Especially since I know I look like I either sell weed or at least use it. Even though I don’t. Really, the only way I could have come off as more suspicious is if I showed up in a torn, bloody undershirt and screamed “WHERE THE FUCK IS MY GUN SHIPMENTS, MANG??!!!!!”

And, because I was only staying overnight, in my bag I carried had a pair of underwear, socks, and my laptop. But I got through Customs. And I had a great time. You know it’s a good show when the audience takes you to a strip club afterwards. And then buys you a lapdance. OH, CANADA! (Bravo, sir. This is why you’re the finest comic mind of your generation.)

No one believed me when I said this – and I wouldn’t believe me either, but I’d never had a lapdance before. So the dancer gave me the rules, the big one that you're not allowed to make "mouth contact" with her. And i'm going to be honest, I was really happy to hear that; I don't want any part of someoen who has had strip club customers' mouths all over them touching me. And the sad part about this lapdance was, was, I couldn’t really enjoy it either, mostly because I felt too much pressure to – and this is going to sound so incredibly neurotic that I can’t believe I’m admitting this in a public forum – but I felt too much pressure to get a boner. Like, if I didn’t get a boner while she was grinding me, it would somehow have been a silent rebuke of this woman’s attractiveness or dancing skills.

And the more I worried about it, the harder it would become for it to become harder. Which is doubly hilarious, because I’ve met enough strippers now to know that they genuinely don’t give a shit about you, the customer. But I am a really, really oddball guy, and I’ll always be the first to admit that.

At this strip club, the only employee I really felt at ease with was the waitress, and I realized that it was because she had the same attitude as most of the women I meet in New York City – that of someone who has pretty much heard every sleazy come-on and pickup line from the dregs of humanity, and is guarded about talking to any strange men she comes in contact with. It was such a familiar attitude, I immediately took a liking to her.

People ask, “What’s it like performing on the road, at a college or a club, or wherever? You know, outside of new York.” And the answer is that it’s really refreshing, honestly; New York audiences a lot of the time act like they’re doing you a favor by just showing up. And don’t get me wrong, New York has had some great audiences – some of the best! – but at the same time, because people have so many entertainment options every night of the week, it can be hard to get their attention. Whereas, if you perform someplace a little more out of the way, even if they don’t get you, you’re still something different to do and they 100% appreciate that.

But yay, I had a great time, Canada. In fact, if you’re going to visit one country that’s right on the border of the USA, make it Canada. And no, I’m not getting paid to say that, either.

THINGS THAT MAKE ME JEALOUS

2007-10-15T13:05:00.000-04:00

Some friends of mine have written a book. And I'm tired of wishing I would, so I'm going to do that, too, I've decided.

But right now, you should buy The Dangerous Book for Dogs. I haven't read it yet, but I have seen the other stuff these guys have worked on, so I'm definitely looking forward to it. It's going to be badass, like Neil Young on the Weld album.

TWO SHOWS I'LL BE PLUGGING

2007-10-12T17:19:00.000-04:00

The first is a kickoff show for my November/December European tour. ("What?" you ask, "You're touring Europe?" Yes, and if you're in England, Ireland, Scotland, Sweden, or Germany, you can check me out at these shows.)

Anyway, I'll be kicking off my tour/raising money for my tour on Monday, October 29th, with Daily Show correspondent John Oliver, The Onion writer/editor Todd Hanson, and more. You can find the info here.

Secondly, this Monday, you'll want to check out:

Monday, October 15th
TELL YOUR FRIENDS!
at the Lolita Bar
266 Broome St., corner of Allen
8:00pm - $5.00

HOST: Liam McEneaney - from VH1 and Comedy Central

WITH:
Todd Levin
from Comedy Central's Premium Blend and the late Aspen Comedy Festical, and has had his writings appear in The Onion, Modern Humourist, and of course, Glamour.

Kumail Nanjiani
has just landed from Chicago, where he's made quite a name for himself in the comedy scene there

Josh Comers
is one of NYC's last undiscovered comedy treasures

Keith Farnan
from Dublin, making his return from the Boston Comedy Festival

and of course, our house band, A Brief View of the Hudson

WHAT THE PRESS HAS SAID ABOUT "TELL YOUR FRIENDS!"
* Time Out New York called it a "DON'T MISS" several times, and said: "With a slew of talented stand-ups . . . and folk-rock duo 'A Brief View of the Hudson,' Liam McEneaney's new showâ€”and 'workout comedy room'â€”is sure to please."

* The NY Daily News made it a Monday pick of the day.

* AM New York put it in their "Best Bets" section.

* The Onion says, "Though it's pegged as a 'workout room' for comics to test new material, Liam McEneaney's weekly show Tell Your Friends flexes enough comedic muscle to pull more than its weight alongside other downtown shows. Demetri Martin, Jim Gaffigan, and The Daily Show's John Oliver are among the stand-ups who have squeezed into Lolita's narrow space during the show's two-year run, alongside the surprisingly tolerable resident folk duo A Brief View of the Hudson... (and) a slew of acts likely worth crowding into a hallway-sized room for."

* "It's been a while since we wrote about Tell Your Friends but this weekly comedy series deserves a nod. Every Monday they belt out top notch comedy at rock bottom prices with performers who have appeared on Comedy Central, Conan O'Brien, Jimmy Kimmel, and more." - FreeNYC.net

* "'Tell Your Friends!' This, the well-earned title of Lolita Bar's upcoming comedy show, rings true for anyone looking for a good time and great comedy... (The comedians') collective resume spans Comedy Central, including "The Daily Show," "Premium Blend" and "Live at Gotham." They are simply some of the best club comedians in America today." - The Times Herald-Record (Upstate NY)

ABOUT OUR HOUSE BAND
A Brief View of the Hudson is a folk-rock duo that blows away audiences at every show they play.
Here's what the press has said:
* "BEST FOLK DUO"
"It's rare that we like a band from the first chord. Yet the first time we saw folk duo A Brief View of the Hudson play at the Bowery Poetry Club we were hooked.
"Ann Enzminger and Nicholas Nace incorporate many of the best characteristics of both country music and classic rock without sounding derivative...Enzminger is a tiny woman, a hair taller than five feet, but with an opera-trained voice as big and sweet as a bowling ballâ€“size Hershey Kiss. Nace's twangy talk-singing adds a quirky and ear-catching roughness; we crave the combination time and again." - The NY Press
* "It is not often that a band sounds like nothing you've ever heard & still sounds good. That's what you get from A Brief View of the Hudson." - The NY Sun
* "A Brief View of the Hudson features Ann Enzminger's arrestingly powerful vocals, which are well tuned to the duo's graceful songs of indie-folk heartbreak." -Time Out NY

ABOUT: To Russell, My Brother, Whom I Slept With

2007-10-11T16:49:00.000-04:00

This is going to sound unlikely, if you've ever seen my act; the more I do comedy, the more inspired I am by Bill Cosby. Cosby at his best is a master story-teller who can craft these amazing half-hour bits that have punchilne-punchline-punchline, all leading to a big laugh at the end.

Part of it is the fact that The Great and All-Powerful Cos is a fantastic performer. I watched his seminal special Bill Cosby: Himself for the umpteenth time a couple of months ago, and this time I literally watched it; I sat down and paid attention to his physical presentation of his bits. The guy works so hard, I got tired; I had to take a break halfway through. And it's because he physically commits 100% to every aspect, every character, every word of every joke. It certainly inspired me to up the performing ante in my own act. Not that I'm the world's greatest at that (people who see me always walk away saying, "I loved his writing"), but I'm trying harder is all I can say.

So I'm presenting you with quite possibly the greatest routine Bill Cosby's ever done; "To Russell, My Brother, Whom I Slept With," from the 1968 album of the same name. It's a 25-minute story about sharing a bed with his brother as a little kid. I suggest you listen to it twice - the first time, just let the comedy roll over you; there's big laughs beginning to end.

The second time, actually sit down and listen to it, really pay attention. Cosby plays four distinct characters, three of whom end up having continuous lines of dialogue; and at every point you vividly imagine each character, whom he imbues with distinct personalities and voices. And the writing is flawless; small jokes that lead into big jokes that lead into a story with multiple callbacks to earlier jokes with a huge laugh at the end. Not to mention just the sheer confidence he brings. He unfolds the bit at a leisurely pace, pauses and lets the material breathe, and doesn't feel the need to go for a laugh every thirty seconds.

I call this "The Rosetta Stone of comedy"; in it you can learn everything you'll ever need to know about what goes into good standup. Here, then, is a download link for To Russell, My Brother, Whom I Slept With.

I WAS ARRESTED AS A TEENAGER

2007-10-09T14:39:00.000-04:00

And I was raised on bad '70s/80s action-comedies, and so I always assumed that when and if I was ever arrested, I would be the wisecracking tough guy who begrudgingly earned The System's respect even as I thrust my middle finger in its face. I always thought it would go down like this:

ARRESTING OFFICER: You have the right to remain silent.
ME: Too bad - I wanted to tell you to go fuck yourself.

Or I'd be in court:

JUDGE: I'm fining you fifty dollars for contempt of court.
ME: Here's a hundred; buy yourself a new suit.

But the reality was way different. First of all, the arresting detectives came to my house, and I walked into the living room and the detectives were sitting there with my parents. And I wasn't about to tell these cops to go fuck themselves; seeing the look on my mom's face, I was grateful they were there. Because I knew that the worst thing the cops could to me was put me in jail, where at least I wouldn't have to hear about it forever. In face, the thought of a judge sentencing me to six-to-twelve months of not getting yelled at by my parents sounded really really good at that moment.

And I ended up in court, and when you're in court and you're surrounded by the judge and the armed officers and all the worst dregs, you don't feel very cocky. I mean, I walked in there like, "This is ridiculous, this is bullshit, fuck this place." And then you actually approach the judge and you look at his face and you realize, this is a guy who does not give a damn about you. And he said, "Do you know what you're in here for?" And I, very toughly and calmly, started crying and said, "Yes your honor please don't put me in prison where child molesters break me open like a piñata."

It didn't help that I was arrested for prank phone calling. Which is a whole other story I'll write about some other time. Needless to say, you can't be tough in prison when you're in for prank phone-calling. The other inmates would be like, "I'm in here for armed robbery and killing three cops. What you in here for?"
"I wanted to talk to Mike Oxmall and Hugh Jass."

STARBUCCANEER

2007-10-05T12:11:00.000-04:00

My progressive friends always get mad at me, because i like to work at Starbucks and not local coffee shops. And they have some valid points - I should support businesses that sell Fair Trade coffee, and I should support local businesses with ethical business models.

But on the other hand, Iit's always nice to go to a place where they have "standards" for "customer service."

I went to a coffee shop, ordered some tea. The guy behind the counter said, "That'll take a few minutes." Which made sense, because there were four people behind the counter serving two customers.

I said, "Great, I'll go to the bathroom."

He said, "Then I'll wait 'til you get back from the bathroom to make your tea, 'cause that's not how I roll."

What? First of all, the only "I roll" I care about is my actual eyes rolling when this dipshit says that.

Second of all, it's not my fault you "rolled" a philosophy major in college and now can only "roll" a $7.00 an hour job.

So I said, "You know what, let me talk to the owner."

He said, "I am the owner."

"Congratulations, I'm taking my business to Starbucks."

"Great. Can you pick me up a soy latté? I don't know how to make those."

* * * * *

The great folksinger Tom Paxton wrote a scathing song in the '60s about Watergate called "Lyndon Johnson Told The Nation." A few years ago, he updated it as a song about The Decider-In-Chief:
George W. Told The Nation

I AM A CRANKY OLD MAN

2007-08-20T05:10:00.000-04:00

I was at a party this weekend with a bunch of, well, kids in their early 20s, and I can't party with that demographic anymore.

I walked through the party house, and every conversation was the same: "I drank so much last night. I got wasted. And then I puked."

Oh wow, so you drank a lot - and then you got drunk? let me guess what happened next: you smoked weed, and it got you high. And then you ate something and you felt full.

THE JEWS BELIEVE THE WORLD IS 5700 YEARS OLD

2007-08-13T11:37:00.000-04:00

But for you, I can get it 3600 wholesale.

BAM! Still got it!

* * * * *

From a Simpson Halloween Special, The Ned Zone:

WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN, MY DARLING YOUNG ONE?

2007-08-06T13:27:00.000-04:00

I've been doing some traveling. I'm currently in Chicago, and if you want to know what I've been up to, you can read about it here.

SORRY SO FEW POSTS

2007-07-26T18:35:00.003-04:00

I've been super-busy, and I'm going away for a couple of weeks. But I'll throw something up here again, soon.

How are you?

I WENT TO A PORN MOVIE RELEASE PARTY

2007-07-02T11:38:00.000-04:00

Don't worry, I managed to ruin it for everybody:

My buddy Porno Jim has been doing these live shows for years where he shows clips from bad mainstream porn movies, and dissects everything that he thinks the filmmakers are doing wrong. He started the same places I did; these crazy Lower East Side "alternative" performance open mics. I took to leaving the room when he went on, not because I didn't enjoy his presentations, but because I would find myself sitting next to some crazy, unwashed, smelly, and probably infected "performance artist" thinking about the fact that he probably has a full erection and getting grossed-out.

Porno Jim

But after years of talking about what porn-makers are doing wrong, Jim decided to finally put his - heh - money where his mouth is and put together his own dirty movie-show called Hookin' Up. I don't really enjoy porn movies, but the results are quite excellent, and the fact that it's done on the cheap actually plays into whole scene he's tapping into - insofar as the movie's about anything, it's about a loft party in Brooklyn where several combinations of people - yes - hook up. It starred a lot of I guess alt. porn actors, and the party scene itself felt like a lot of big loft parties I've been to.

24-Hour Party People

The release party itself was a lot of fun; apparently, it was an event in the "polyamorous" community. What's funny to me is the fact that even guys who fancy themselves jaded hipsters who are sexually free and swinging, even they can't help but stop and gawk when two hot women are making out in public. Me, I guess I've seen it all at this point, so I stared really intensely for half a second and then walked away clean, jack.

* * * * *

CHECK OUT MY NEW SPORTS GROUP BLOG: Some of the funniest writing on the web: The Nosebleeds.

* * * * *

This is Steve Ballmer, CEO of MicroSoft, and one of the most powerful men in the world:

YOU WIN, NY POSTBest front cover ever:

2007-06-28T01:44:00.000-04:00

* * * * *

I listened to We Are The World a couple weeks ago and, when it came time for Bob Dylan to sing, I thought to myself, "Hmmm.... His Royal Bobness sounds like he's trying to sing soulfully. Weird, I've never heard him put any of that kind of soulfulness into his music."

Honest-to-God, the next day I was sent this clip randomly from a backstage documentary on the making of We Are The World, where we see Old Bob learn his part from... Stevie Wonder!

WELCOME TO THE BLOGGING FAMILY

2007-06-26T12:20:00.000-04:00

A new group blog that I'm doing with some friends: The Nosebleeds.

It's nine of the best comedian/writers on the Internets just talking about their passion: sports.

* * * * *

I wasn't a huge fan of the Jim Jarmusch anthology film, Night on Earth, chronicling five seperate taxi rides in five seperate countries at the same time.

However, I enjoyed the hell out of the Rome segment, starring Roberto Begnini. So here it is - hilarious:

Part I:

Part II:

WATCH MICHAEL MOORE'S NEW MOVIE SICKO

2007-06-25T09:55:00.000-04:00

Right here (with his blessing, apparently):

Sicko

THE BEST SHOW ON TELEVISION, PERIOD

2007-06-22T12:17:00.001-04:00

And I bet you haven't even watched it yet - Tyler Perry's House of Payne on TBS. I DVRed two episodes the other night, and holy crap, it's unbelieveable.

It's not even like a sitcom-sitcom; it's more like a sitcom by someone who had once had an episode of Mr. Belvedere described to him by a child in a language he didn't quite understand, and decided to extrapolate a whole show based on that.

And yet, I enjoyed the shit out of it.

The acting is uniformly terrible. The two kids in the show seem like they were told "You see how wooden Rudy Huxtable is? Do that times twenty."

Everyone else constantly flails their arms like they're trying to wave off the stench of failure that seems to reek from every frame of celluloid this was recorded on. Seriously, if you turned it on halfway through and told me, "This is a show called The Constantly Having Seizures Family," I'd believe it.

The premise of the show is that a guy named CJ had his house burned down by his crackhead wife, who then ran off, leaving him to move in with his uncle Curtis and aunt. The uncle hates him, and makes all kinds of horrible jokes about the poor guys amazing tragedy (holding a piece of toast - "You burnt this? You just like your wife!").

Okay, so the first episode I watched involves a story that wanders all over the plot map, from point A to point C to point B until it enters a land marked only, "Here Be Dragons!".

At one point, they're in the fire house where Uncle Curtis is the fire chief - their city has a firehouse with only four firefighters, by the way; Curtis, his son who is also a college student (but never studies and seems to have plenty of spare time to hang out and have adventures), CJ, and a fat white guy.

The retired former fire chief comes to visit, and then CJ comes to work twenty minutes late, and Curtis (properly) chews him out, puts him on kitchen duty. I'm assuming this is normal behaviour at a firehouse, but this convinces the retired fire chief that Curtis has an anger problem, and commands him to take an anger-management course. If not, he warns Curtis that he's still got a lot of pull downtown, and can have Curtis suspended.

Conveniently, the retired fire chief has a friend who can come down and give an anger management course that day, and so the next scene is back at the firehouse, later that day, where the retired fire chief's "friend" is a white guy in a blond afro wig doing the world's worst Richard Simmons impression, complete with tank top and short-shorts. He introduces the F.A.Y anger management system - FEEL the anger, ACKNOWLEDGE the anger, and YELL. This scene goes on for approxiimately 800 million minutes and never builds or gets funny.

The anger management guru insists on following Curtis home to get a better understanding of his normal routine and take notes. Why? Who knows? But it's either suffer a violation of his privacy or get suspended by a guy who has no power over his career, so Curtis agrees. At one point, Curtis threatens to deck his 8 year-old grand-nephew, and the guru makes a note to "call child protective services." All give him a dirty look, and he retracts his statement and crosses it out. Because the only power greater than the law is peer pressure.

Somehow, this leads to Curtis, his son, and CJ deciding to go to a crackhouse to find the guy's wife. For some reason, the guru elects to join them, showing up in a full-on track suit. At the crackhouse, they meet a hilarious crackhead who offers to sell them a laptop for five bucks, then they find the wife and her crack dealer pimp. She doesn't come home with him, and when they're all back at the house (minus the guru, whose anger management subplot is never resolved), the aunt announces
that the only way to help her the wife is through prayer. (If you think, "Okay, clearly Tyler Perry's making fun of what a dumb, non-proactive way to deal with your problems this is, in the very next episode episode, CJ says the same thing.) The second she leaves the room to pray, the wife shows up! It might be the power of prayer, but she didn't even have time to dial God's number. The wife promises to rehab, but leaves the next morning after having ripped everyone off of their valuables.

By the way, full-on gay panic and homophobia is a leitmotif for the show. A major subplot in the second episode I watched involves Curtis thinking his 8 year-old grand-nephew is gay because he walked into the kitchen, where the boy is drinking milk out of a bottle, wearing a full-on dancers' gown with tutu.

The next night, CJ walks into the kitchen and sees the same thing - the boy is still drinking out of the same bottle and, I believe, wearing the same clothes including the tutu. The kid explains that the tutu is something his mother wore to dance around the house, and he likes to wear it because it smells like her. First of all, yuck. Second of all, his mom wore a full-on dancer's outfit to dance around the house?

Also, no one seems upset that this kid had the family's bottle of milk to his lips, drinking the whole thing at once? Do they go through eighteen gallons a week? Will there be an episode where it takes him eighteen hours to take a dump?

In all, I HIGHLY recommend watching this show. I am seriously DVRing it every week.

* * * * *
And here's a great scene from the sitcom Tyler Perry thinks he's making, All In The Family.

Archie Bunker has a Swastika painted on his door, and has a Jewish vigilante offer to help protect him:

OKAY, I KNOW THIS BLOG HAS SUCKED AS OF LATE

2007-06-18T12:28:00.000-04:00

But the good news is, I have one more writing submission packet left to write, just one more blank wall to bang my head against, and then I'll have plenty of time for this blog again.

I am writing a tasty entry for tomorrow, though.

Meanwhile, enjoy this:

JUNE 18th - last show until September!
Tell Your Friends!
at the Lolita bar!
266 Broome St., at the corner of Allen!
8:00pm - FREE!

Host: Liam McEneaney - as seen on Comedy Central's "Premium Blend" and VH1's "Best Week Ever"

Acts:
Demetri Martin - is a correspondent for "The Daily Show w/ Jon Stewart" and had a Comedy Central one-hour special, "Demetri Martin: Person." His album, "These Are Jokes," is available from Comedy Central Records

Greg Giraldo - has had two "Comedy Central Presents: Greg Giraldo" specials; has appeared on the Comedy Central Roasts for Pamela Anderson, William Shatner, and Chevy Chase; and has made multiple appearances on "The Late Show w/ David Letterman" and "Late Night w/ Conan O'Brien." His album, "Good Day to Cross A River," is available from Comedy Central Records

Rachel Trachtenburg - is the drummer for the Trachtenburg Family Slideshow Players, and has appeared on "Late Night w/ Conan O'Brien" and toured the USA and Europe. She's working some stuff out for her solo show at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival

Amanda Melson - as seen on Comedy Central's "Live At Gotham"

Baron Vaughn - has appeared at the prestigious US Comedy Arts Festival in Aspen

Andres DuBouchet - part-man, part-machine, all comedian

and, of course, our house band A Brief View of the Hudson

WHAT THE PRESS HAS SAID ABOUT "TELL YOUR FRIENDS!"
* Time Out New York called it a "DON'T MISS" twice now, and said: "With a slew of talented stand-ups . . . and folk-rock duo 'A Brief View of the Hudson,' Liam McEneaney's new showâ€”and 'workout comedy room'â€”is sure to please."

* The NY Daily News made it a Monday pick of the day.

* AM New York put it in their "Best Bets" section.

* "Editor's Pick!" - clubfreetime.com

* The Onion says, "Though it's pegged as a 'workout room' for comics to test their new(ish) material, Liam McEneaney's weekly show Tell Your Friends flexes enough comedic muscle to pull its weight alongside more established downtown shows. Demetri Martin, Slovin & Allen, and Late Night With Conan O'Brien writer Brian Kiley are among the stand-ups who have squeezed into Lolita's narrow space since the show's debut this summer, alongside the surprisingly tolerable resident folk duo A Brief View of the Hudson."

* "It's been a while since we wrote about Tell Your Friends but this weekly comedy series deserves a nod. Every Monday they belt out top notch comedy at rock bottom prices with performers who have appeared on Comedy Central, Conan O'Brien, Jimmy Kimmel, and more." - FreeNYC.net

ABOUT OUR HOUSE BAND
A Brief View of the Hudson is a folk-rock duo that blows away audiences at every show they play.
Here's what the press has said:
* "BEST FOLK DUO"
"It's rare that we like a band from the first chord. Yet the first time we saw folk duo A Brief View of the Hudson play at the Bowery Poetry Club we were hooked.
"Ann Enzminger and Nicholas Nace incorporate many of the best characteristics of both country music and classic rock without sounding derivative...Enzminger is a tiny woman, a hair taller than five feet, but with an opera-trained voice as big and sweet as a bowling ballâ€“size Hershey Kiss. Nace's twangy talk-singing adds a quirky and ear-catching roughness; we crave the combination time and again." - The NY Press
* "It is not often that a band sounds like nothing you've ever heard & still sounds good. That's what you get from A Brief View of the Hudson." - The NY Sun
* "A Brief View of the Hudson features Ann Enzminger's arrestingly powerful vocals, which are well tuned to the duo's graceful songs of indie-folk heartbreak." -Time Out NY

IF YOU'RE IN NYC TONIGHT

2007-06-13T13:51:00.000-04:00

I'll be doing this show.

* * * * *

I don't remember if I've posted this before, but here's a clip of Johnny "Trash" singing "Nasty Dan" with Oscar the Grouch on Sesame Street. If you're wondering what era this is from, wait for Oscar to say "Far out!"

I was on the set of Sesame Street once, watching Big Bird film a sketch with Cookie Monster.

WENT TO A PARTY ON SATURDAY NIGHT, I DIDN'T GET LAID, GOT INTO A FIGHT OH YEAH

2007-06-12T13:22:00.000-04:00

Okay, so I didn't get into a fight either, relax mom.

I was at a birthday party on Saturday night, and my friends who are in a fun band were there, and they said, "We have to leave soon, we're performing at a fundraiser for a guy's Burning Man project. It's out in Red Hook at an old firehouse."

And so I invited myself along. It was an "artist party," and what that means is that there were dorks in cowboy hats trying to make a threeway happen. "Oh look, now I'm awkwardly grinding two women." These are always the same guys who never got dates in high school, and now one woman isn't enough! "You owe me God. I'm going to average it out before I die."

Anyway, before I went to the party, I always had felt bad because I always thought I'm really bad at talking to women. But then I realized that no I'm not. I'm just really bad at talking to people, period.

Seriously, here's a conversation I had with a cute woman right after she high-fived me:
HER: We're high-fiving because a girl horse won the Belmont Stakes for the first time in 100 years!

ME: It's too bad she only get 70% of the prize a male horse gets.

HER: What's that supposed to mean?

ME: I just...

HER: No really, what does that mean? Why would you say that?

ME: It was just...

HER: Is that supposed to be funny?

ME: But...

HER: (leaving)

* * * * *

Okay, the next time A-Rod complains about how tough New York Yankees fans are on him, he should take a look at this clip. I found it while looking for interview footage of Philadelphia Phillie Aaron Rowand, because he is, in a word, kinda gay (seriously, catch him on ESPN or whatever sometime. He "pings my 'dar," as they say).

Phillies fans might be the worst fans in sports. At their stadium, the bullpens, where the pitchers warm up, are stacked one on top of the other, with the visitors' bullpen on top. And the reason the visitors are on top, is that the Phillies' bullpen used to be on top to give the fans the chance to watch their players warm up, but the fans kept spitting on their own pitchers and throwing crap at them.

Here's a clip of Aaron Rowand missing a diving catch, and so naturally the fans starting booing... fellow outfielder Pat Burrell:

And for fun, here's former Yankee outfielder Bernie Williams playing guitar with the Allman Brothers:

SEE YOU ON MONDAY

2007-06-08T01:09:00.000-04:00

I'm preparing to go out of town this weekend, and by "preparing," I mean I'm watching cable TV and thinking about how I should have done laundry.

I'm writing this as some neighbors on the next block are setting off fireworks. July 4th is a month away, so I imagine they're celebrating their impending indepence from their fingers. And I'm watching a rerun of The Cosby Show where the cast are sitting around with Christopher Plummer reciting Shakespearean monologues at each other (Theo and Cockroach are doing a rap version of Julius Caeser). I'm pretty sure I'm not dreaming.

I guess what I'm saying, I am LIVING MY LIFE TO THE FULLEST! Anyway, come see this show on Monday, it will be quite excellent:

JUNE 11th - only two shows left!
Tell Your Friends!
at the Lolita bar!
266 Broome St., at the corner of Allen!
8:00pm - FREE!

Host: Liam McEneaney - as seen on Comedy Central's "Premium Blend" and VH1's "Best Week Ever"

Acts:
John Oliver - is a correspondant for "The Daily Show w/ Jon Stewart"

Victor Varnado - from the movies "Pluto Nash" and "End of Days," and directed the movie, "Twist the Cap," with Charlie Murphy. As a standup has appeared on Comedy Central's "Premium Blend," "Jimmy Kimmel Live!," and "Late NIght w/ Conan O'Brien"

Rachel Trachtenburg - is the drummer for the Trachtenburg Family Slideshow Players, and has appeared on "Late Night w/ Conan O'Brien" and toured the USA and Europe. She's working some stuff out for her solo show at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival

Tony Camin - is a writer/star of the Off-broadway hit, "The Marijuanalogues." As a stand-up, he has appeared on "Late Night," "Tough Crowd w/ Colin Quinn," and "Jimmy Kimmel Live!"

Bob Powers - is the author of "Girls Are Pretty" from St. Martin's Press

Michelle Leona - is a regular at The Moth story-telling series

and the New York City return of Brody Stevens

Of course, we're bringing it all back home with our freewheeling house band A Brief View of the Hudson

WHAT THE PRESS HAS SAID ABOUT "TELL YOUR FRIENDS!"
* Time Out New York called it a "DON'T MISS" twice now, and said: "With a slew of talented stand-ups . . . and folk-rock duo 'A Brief View of the Hudson,' Liam McEneaney's new showâ€”and 'workout comedy room'â€”is sure to please."

* The NY Daily News made it a Monday pick of the day.

* AM New York put it in their "Best Bets" section.

* "Editor's Pick!" - clubfreetime.com

* The Onion says, "Though it's pegged as a 'workout room' for comics to test their new(ish) material, Liam McEneaney's weekly show Tell Your Friends flexes enough comedic muscle to pull its weight alongside more established downtown shows. Demetri Martin, Slovin & Allen, and Late Night With Conan O'Brien writer Brian Kiley are among the stand-ups who have squeezed into Lolita's narrow space since the show's debut this summer, alongside the surprisingly tolerable resident folk duo A Brief View of the Hudson."

* "It's been a while since we wrote about Tell Your Friends but this weekly comedy series deserves a nod. Every Monday they belt out top notch comedy at rock bottom prices with performers who have appeared on Comedy Central, Conan O'Brien, Jimmy Kimmel, and more." - FreeNYC.net

ABOUT OUR HOUSE BAND
A Brief View of the Hudson is a folk-rock duo that blows away audiences at every show they play.
Here's what the press has said:
* "BEST FOLK DUO"
"It's rare that we like a band from the first chord. Yet the first time we saw folk duo A Brief View of the Hudson play at the Bowery Poetry Club we were hooked.
"Ann Enzminger and Nicholas Nace incorporate many of the best characteristics of both country music and classic rock without sounding derivative...Enzminger is a tiny woman, a hair taller than five feet, but with an opera-trained voice as big and sweet as a bowling ballâ€“size Hershey Kiss. Nace's twangy talk-singing adds a quirky and ear-catching roughness; we crave the combination time and again." - The NY Press
* "It is not often that a band sounds like nothing you've ever heard & still sounds good. That's what you get from A Brief View of the Hudson." - The NY Sun
* "A Brief View of the Hudson features Ann Enzminger's arrestingly powerful vocals, which are well tuned to the duo's graceful songs of indie-folk heartbreak." -Time Out NY

WEB REPORTER ARRESTED ON GIULIANI PRESS SECRETARY'S ORDERS

2007-06-07T12:35:00.000-04:00

This is an interesting conundrum - who am I rooting against harder in this clip?

On the one hand, the "reporter" really is annoying and crazy, no doubt. I know people who have this attitude of "I'd rather be a nuisance than actually create any type of public debate," and what happens is that no matter how good your point is (and I honestly think he didn't have the world's greatest point to make) no one will listen to you because you come off looking like an asshole.

On the other hand, if you're the press officer for a Presidential candidate, do you really want to be arresting people because they won't stop asking annoying questions? Aren't you supposed to be trained to take on tough questions from persistent reporters? I mean, I'm sure there are days when Tony Snow would love to have the White House Press Crops dragged off to Guantanemo, but you can't just do that, man.

Anyone who remembers the 7-1/2 years of Giuliani's mayoralty before 9/11 will not be surprised by this clip at all. The man is a proto-fascist, and would be terrible for this country. (Remember when he wanted to extend his term for six months because of "the emergency"? Boy did the city's goodwill evaporate fast.)

In fact, here's a great clip of Giuliani getting called out on a big big big lie he's been telling the press lately:

* * * * *

On a lighter note, here's Johnny Cash singing "A Boy Named Sue" at the concert at San Quentin prison (do yourself a favor; pick up the "Live From San Quentin" album):

I GUESS I SHOULD HAVE MENTIONED THIS

2007-06-06T13:14:00.001-04:00

I'm taking a break from writing on this blog until Friday. I'm just doing a lot of writing lately, and I don't have the focus to do my blog and all the trying-to-get-paid comedy writing I've been doing AND the asinine opinions I've been writing on my Bob Dylan nerd fan message board.

Meanwhile, my buddy Andres made this short video. I enjoyed it very much, and now, so will you:

I TOOK MY OWN HEADSHOT

2007-05-29T09:28:00.000-04:00

Boom! Just saved myself a few hundred dollars.

* * * * *

Here's two of the greatest jazz drummers of all time doing battle on the old Tonight Show with Johnny Carson. Ed Shaughnessy's great, but Buddy Rich wins hands-down. God DAMN!

And here's Buddy Rich doing battle with Animal on The Muppet Show:

What's great about the second clip is that he clearly takes it just as seriously as the first clip.

IN DUBLIN'S FAIR CITY

2007-05-28T02:58:00.000-04:00

I was walking around the other night, worrying about this European tour I've been planning. I'm excited about it, but I've been having my doubts, knowing how easy it is to arrive ina place where you don't know a lot of people and finding that the money you thought you were making isn't going to be there, or the people you were going to stay with can't put you up, or whatever. Wondering if I was doing the right thing or making a mistake.

So I put on my iPod shuffle, and I swear the first nine songs that came up:

1. The Boys From County Hell - The Pogues

2. Provo's Lullabye - Eire Og

3. Yo Ho, I'm A Provo/The Men Behind The Wire/Rock All - The Irish Brigade

4. Anarchy in the UK - The Sex Pistols

5. What Was It You Wanted? - Bob Dylan

6. Seven Nation Army - The White Stripes

7. Black Boys on Mopeds - Sinéad O'Connor*

8. I'm Afraid of Americans - David Bowie

9. The Irish Rover - The Pogues w/ The Dubliners

Clearly, I'm meant to go stir up trouble in the UK.

* A song whose chorus goes:
"England's not the mythical land of Madame George and roses
It's the home of police who kill blacks boys on mopeds
And I love my boy and that's why I'm leaving
I don't want him to be aware that there's
Any such thing as grieving."

* * * * *

There was a fire in a fireworks factory in Denmark, and a guy taped it and put it up on YouTube in five parts. It's all pretty good, but this is clearly the climax: the fire hits paydirt and there's a HUGE explosion:

SHEA IT LOUD AND SHEA IT PROUD!

2007-05-22T10:28:00.000-04:00

Last Wednesday, I went to see the Mets play at Shea Stadium. They were slated to play the Chicago Cubs, and the day before I'd bought these five dollar tickets, as part of a last-minute date with a woman. She'd stood me up before, and so it was no huge shock when she stood me up again that night. Stand me up, shame on you, stand me up twice, get taken off my MySpace friends list.

It was raining that night, and the game was slated to start at 7:10pm. I had a friend in from Irelad who was performing a show in the East Village that night at 11pm, so it was no big deal to me if the Mets game got rained out, if I got a rain check ticket or if there was a day/night doubleheader the next day.

So I hung out at home writing, watching the DVD of The Bob Newhart Show I'd Netflixed, and at 8:00pm the Mets official website said it was still just a rain delay, not cancelled. At 9:00 it was still a rain delay, and at 10:00pm, almost three hours after the game was supposed to start, it still hadn't been cancelled. So I said, "To hell with this," got my going-out clothes on, and prepared to head out for the evening to see my buddy do his show.

On my way, literally, out the door at about 10:10, three hours after the game was supposed to start, I turned on the TV just to confirm that they'd officially cancelled the game - sure enough, there were the Cubs, just starting to play. So I said, "Fuck it," put on my official NY Mets hooded sweatshirt, hopped on the subway to go to the game. On the subway. I met a guy who said, "You going to the game?'

We started chatting about the Mets, and he said he had an extra ticket, asked if I wanted to go see the game. At first I said no, because my experience has been that any random stranger who starts talking to me tends to be a lunatic. But then I decided what the hell, nothing form nothing is nothing - you really only experience new things in this life if you make a practice of saying "Yes," to randomness. And the worst that would happen would be, if he was really impossible to deal with, I would excuse myself to use the bathroom, head to the other side of the stadium, no huge loss.

So I sat with him in his seat in the Loge area right under the overhang, so we were dry. Turns out he's been a season ticket subscriber for a decade, and a very cool guy. Actually, the best part was that there were maybe 2,000 people in a stadium designed to hold 56,000. That might sound lonely, but it was actually very intimate, like watching the game with a large group of friends. And because it was a game that started three hours late on a windy, rainy night, anyone who was there was a true, dedicated fan, just excited to be watching the Mets play live. There was a very mellow, positive, excited vibe to the game, and it didn't hurt that Mets hammered the Cubs 8 - 1.

I got to see just-called-up rookie Carlos "Babyface" Gomez in action. Man, this kid is fast. Watch the above footage of him in a minor league game stealing second and third, much to the anger of Harrisburg Senators' manager John Stearns.

I started the evening with a date and shitty seats, and ended the evening with no date and a great seat. Afterwards, I found out that the guy is a cousin to a friend in comedy, a very cool and funny lady, so there was a lot of serendipity to the evening.

And I found out that I can trade these tickets for an upcoming game against the Minnesota Twins, so that might be the best value for your five dollar ticket ever.

* * * * *

Second-best value for the entertainment dollar? This video of someone vaccuuming their cat:

HERE'S SOME FUN STUFF YOU CAN CATCH ME AT THIS UPCOMING WEEKEND-ISH TIME SLOT:

2007-05-18T12:23:00.000-04:00

This Sunday I'll be hosting Rock Star Karaoke at Mo Pitkin's - a live band karaoke experience, where you sing in front of a real live rock band. they have hundreds of songs, and it is hella fun.

* * * * *

MAY 21st
Tell Your Friends!
at the Lolita bar!
266 Broome St., at the corner of Allen!
8:00pm - FREE!

Host: TBA

Acts:
Reggie Watts - as seen at pretty much every major comedy festival, and several major music festivals. Last time he did Tell Your Friends!, an audience member was moved to write this.

Liam McEneaney - as seen on Comedy Central's "Premium Blend" and VH1's "Best Week Ever"

Rachel Feinstein - as seen on Coemdy Central's "Premium Blend" and "Shorties Wachin' Shorties" and at the Montreal Comedy Festival

and we say goodbye to our friend, comedian Claudia Cogan

AND MORE!

* * * * *

When I was a kid, I loved The Smurfs. But this particular episode never failed to scare the living crap out of me:

THREE THINGS THAT I WILL MISS

2007-05-14T03:09:00.000-04:00

1) The bees. Some day, the next generation will ask exactly when we knew the environment had changed for the worse. We will say it's when the bees disappeared. They will ask why we did nothing. We will have no good answer. To hell with thsoe snot-nosed next-generation punks with their judgmental questions; now I'm glad we're leaving this planet a smoking crater. F them.

2) Mariano Rivera. Seems like the NY Yankees owned this town for over a decade, and now that the Mets are finally good enough to take on the prime-era Yankees (1994 - 2000), they've gone into a steep decline. When Mariano Rivera was on top of his game, he was the best closer in American baseball history. Period. Watching him, and - by extension, his team - play was to know that you were truly living in a golden age, a time in history that would never be replicated. And goddammit, I want to watch the current incarnation of the Mets beat the pants off of them.

3) Edgar, my old cat. When I was very young, I trapped him under a table and boxed him in with open picture books and told him he couldn't leave until he learned hwo to read. I genuinely thought that would work. One night, I watched Bridge on the River Kwai with him on TNT, and during the commercials he would get up and walk into the kitchen or bathroom. But when the commercials were over, he'd come back and sit down on the couch next to me and continue watchign the movie. Good cat, that.

* * * * *

MONDAY, MAY 14th
Tell Your Friends!
at the Lolita bar!
266 Broome St., at the corner of Allen!
8:00pm - FREE!

Host: Michelle Collins - from the Best Week Ever blog

Acts:
John Oliver - is a correspondant for "The Daily Show w/ Jon Stewart"

Lizz Winstead - creator of "The Daily Show," and has hosted her own show "Unfiltered" on Air America and had her own "Comedy Central Presents: Lizz Winstead" 1/2-hour special

David McSavage - a comedian from Dublin who has appeared on Ireland's "The Late Late Show" four times and on Denmark's "Stand-up.dk"

Kristen Schaal - has appeared on Comedy Central's "Live at Gotham," in the smash comedy "Norbit," and was voted Best Alternative Comedian at the Aspen Comedy Festival

Liam McEneaney - as seen on Comedy Central's "Premium Blend" and VH1's "Best Week Ever"

Fiona Walsh - performed at the Galway Comedy Festival, the Tropicana, The Irish Arts Center and The Irish Rep

and a special visit from our house band, A Brief View of the Hudson

WHAT THE PRESS HAS SAID ABOUT "TELL YOUR FRIENDS!"
* Time Out New York called it a "DON'T MISS" twice now, and said: "With a slew of talented stand-ups . . . and folk-rock duo 'A Brief View of the Hudson,' Liam McEneaney's new showâ€”and 'workout comedy room'â€”is sure to please."

* The NY Daily News made it a Monday pick of the day.

* AM New York put it in their "Best Bets" section.

* "Editor's Pick!" - clubfreetime.com

* The Onion says, "Though it's pegged as a 'workout room' for comics to test their new(ish) material, Liam McEneaney's weekly show Tell Your Friends flexes enough comedic muscle to pull its weight alongside more established downtown shows. Demetri Martin, Slovin & Allen, and Late Night With Conan O'Brien writer Brian Kiley are among the stand-ups who have squeezed into Lolita's narrow space since the show's debut this summer, alongside the surprisingly tolerable resident folk duo A Brief View of the Hudson."

* "It's been a while since we wrote about Tell Your Friends but this weekly comedy series deserves a nod. Every Monday they belt out top notch comedy at rock bottom prices with performers who have appeared on Comedy Central, Conan O'Brien, Jimmy Kimmel, and more." - FreeNYC.net

ABOUT OUR HOUSE BAND
A Brief View of the Hudson is a folk-rock duo that blows away audiences at every show they play.
Here's what the press has said:
* "BEST FOLK DUO"
"It's rare that we like a band from the first chord. Yet the first time we saw folk duo A Brief View of the Hudson play at the Bowery Poetry Club we were hooked.
"Ann Enzminger and Nicholas Nace incorporate many of the best characteristics of both country music and classic rock without sounding derivative...Enzminger is a tiny woman, a hair taller than five feet, but with an opera-trained voice as big and sweet as a bowling ballâ€“size Hershey Kiss. Nace's twangy talk-singing adds a quirky and ear-catching roughness; we crave the combination time and again." - The NY Press
* "It is not often that a band sounds like nothing you've ever heard & still sounds good. That's what you get from A Brief View of the Hudson." - The NY Sun
* "A Brief View of the Hudson features Ann Enzminger's arrestingly powerful vocals, which are well tuned to the duo's graceful songs of indie-folk heartbreak." -Time Out NY

.

HAMAS DONE FUCKED UP

2007-05-10T09:00:00.000-04:00

They've created a children's show to teach little kids the joys of Jihad and "annihilating the Jews" by using a Mickey Mouse clone:

Which means that, forget the US Army, forget the Israeli Army - they're going to get attacked by the most vicious bloodthirsty army in the world - the Army of Disney Lawyers.

Disney lawyers are scary - powerful people in Hollywood shit their pants when they hear the Disney lawyers are after them.

Those guys think they hate the Jews now, wait until they have to deal with Harvard Law School Class of '00.

If they weren't dedicated to destroying me and everyone I know, I'd feel sorry for them.

* * * * *

My friend Bryan forwarded this to me, and so I ask you dear readers - what the fuck is going on here?

APPARENTLY, THE STUDENT LOAN PEOPLE ARE READING THIS BLOG

2007-05-08T08:04:00.000-04:00

Showed up at the Lolita Bar to do my show last night, and found out that someone had called the bar and left a message. Turned out, it was the student loan people.

Now, I'm not sure what they were thinking was going to happen; maybe I'd call and say, "Congratulations - you know how to both Google and spell my name right." I mean, if I'm producing a free show, clearly I'm not exactly raking in the dough.

The student loan people crack me up, because they call and threaten me:
"You're never going to be able to buy a house."
"I know."

"And you're never going to buy a car."
"I know. That's what i just told you, that I can't afford it. Wait, a second, what the hell did I spend all this money on? College was useless."

I'm really not sure what their big guns are; can you repossess everything I learned about Medievel Literature? Because bad news there, I didn't. In fact, I'm pretty sure someone owes me a refund. Also, the only way someon could fuck me more financially than I currently am right now, is if they handed me a hundred dollar bill that was attached to a string and yanked it away at the last second.

And you're probably thinking, "Liam, you've got a pretty easy-going attitude towards massive, crushing debt." I figure, these people are calling a bar where I hold a free show and make no money, clearly they don't take their job that seriously. Why should I? (By the way, this isn't a dare to show me how seriously you take this.)

* * * * *

Bob Dylan can't figure out how to turn his keyboard on:

DID AN INTERVIEW WITH GOTHAMIST

2007-05-07T10:38:00.000-04:00

And here it is.

* * * * *

There used to be an appetite-suppressant "diet" candy called Ayds. In the '70s, it was one of the top-selling diet products out there. Then, somewhere in the early-to-mid-80s, people stopped buying it so much.

The ads for it are now, of course, hilarious. Here's an unfortunate one from 1982 about the "Ayds Diet Plan":

TELL YOUR FRIENDS!

2007-05-04T12:58:00.000-04:00

No fun post today. Bad head cold + allergies = I can barely think today.

* * * * *

MAY 7th
Tell Your Friends!
at the Lolita bar!
266 Broome St., at the corner of Allen!
8:00pm - FREE!

Host: Liam McEneaney

Acts:
Brian Kiley - a writer for "Late Night w/ Conan O'Brien" who has been seen on his own "Comedy Central Presents: Brian Kiley" 1/2-hour special, "Late Night w/ Conan O'Brien," "The Tonight Show w/ jay Leno," and "The Late Show w/ David Letterman"

Tom Shillue - has been seen on his own "Comedy Central Presents: Tom Shillue" 1/2-hour special, and "Late Night w/ Conan O'Brien." He just released an album called "OVERCONFIDENT!"

Leo Allen - he spent a few years writing for "Saturday Night Live," and has been seen on "Late Night w/ Conan O'Brien," and his own "Comedy Central Presents: Slovin & Allen" 1/2-hour special

Josh Comers - the best NYC comic to have no TV credits.

Andres DuBouchet - from Comedy Central's "MotherLoad" and the late, lamented Giant Tuesday Night of Amazing Inventions and Also There Is A Game!

The Rob & Mark Show! - had their own show, "Geek Ray Vision," on Spike TV

And what would Tell Your Friends! be without our house band - A Brief View of the Hudson

WHAT THE PRESS HAS SAID ABOUT "TELL YOUR FRIENDS!"
* Time Out New York called it a "DON'T MISS" twice now, and said: "With a slew of talented stand-ups . . . and folk-rock duo 'A Brief View of the Hudson,' Liam McEneaney's new showâ€”and 'workout comedy room'â€”is sure to please."

* The NY Daily News made it a Monday pick of the day.

* AM New York put it in their "Best Bets" section.

* "Editor's Pick!" - clubfreetime.com

* The Onion says, "Though it's pegged as a 'workout room' for comics to test their new(ish) material, Liam McEneaney's weekly show Tell Your Friends flexes enough comedic muscle to pull its weight alongside more established downtown shows. Demetri Martin, Slovin & Allen, and Late Night With Conan O'Brien writer Brian Kiley are among the stand-ups who have squeezed into Lolita's narrow space since the show's debut this summer, alongside the surprisingly tolerable resident folk duo A Brief View of the Hudson."

* "It's been a while since we wrote about Tell Your Friends but this weekly comedy series deserves a nod. Every Monday they belt out top notch comedy at rock bottom prices with performers who have appeared on Comedy Central, Conan O'Brien, Jimmy Kimmel, and more." - FreeNYC.net

ABOUT OUR HOUSE BAND
A Brief View of the Hudson is a folk-rock duo that blows away audiences at every show they play.
Here's what the press has said:
* "BEST FOLK DUO"
"It's rare that we like a band from the first chord. Yet the first time we saw folk duo A Brief View of the Hudson play at the Bowery Poetry Club we were hooked.
"Ann Enzminger and Nicholas Nace incorporate many of the best characteristics of both country music and classic rock without sounding derivative...Enzminger is a tiny woman, a hair taller than five feet, but with an opera-trained voice as big and sweet as a bowling ballâ€“size Hershey Kiss. Nace's twangy talk-singing adds a quirky and ear-catching roughness; we crave the combination time and again." - The NY Press
* "It is not often that a band sounds like nothing you've ever heard & still sounds good. That's what you get from A Brief View of the Hudson." - The NY Sun
* "A Brief View of the Hudson features Ann Enzminger's arrestingly powerful vocals, which are well tuned to the duo's graceful songs of indie-folk heartbreak." -Time Out NY

THREE DIFFERENT MEMOS TO THREE DIFFERENT NEIGHBORS

2007-05-01T13:22:00.000-04:00

I read this at my show last night. I'd posted an earlier version of this last year.

MEMO #1 - TO: The Neighbor Who Stole My Doormat

RE: What the Fuck?

Okay, I know it’s been two-and-a-half years, but I honestly still can’t believe it. And so I have to ask; come on guy, you really needed to steal my doormat? My doormat?

And we’re not even talking about an ornamental, expensive doormat – the kind embroidered by a young child in a dark factory in the heart of Taiwan; the kind with the word “WELCOME” woven in over an irresistibly crude caricature of puppies playfully squirming under a doormat of their own, their big eyes staring straight through your soul; the kind that you can only find in an elegant, out-of-the-way specialty store like K-Mart or Target. And I understand that not everyone has the rare combination of both ten seconds and six dollars that it takes to go out and buy one of their own. And if I had owned this kind of extravagantly decorative doormat, I would understand a working man’s need to steal it, to give his family a small taste of the same lavish, luxurious lifestyle that Doukhobors like myself enjoy in our rent-controlled apartments in the heart of Queens.

But that’s not the kind of doormat we’re talking about, is it? The kind of doormat we’re talking about, the kind that you stole under the dark cover of night, is dirty and beige; it’s the kind of doormat that I got not from Wal-Mart, nor even from Kiki’s 99-Cent Emporium, but rather from the relatives of an elderly neighbor who had recently died, shuffling off this mortal coil in housedress and slippers, plastic bags clutched in her hand, a faded babushka on her head and a complaint about the heat left unspoken on her tongue. That’s right; you stole a free, dead woman’s doormat.

To be honest, I’m not even angry so much as I am completely baffled; what, exactly, did you think you were going to do? Just put it down outside of your apartment, the only place you could logically use it, and hope that I wouldn’t go door-to-door through the building hallway looking for it?

In the annals of crime, stealing a neighbor’s doormat falls somewhere between mugging your boss in the elevator on the way up to the office and bursting into a police precinct, waving your shotgun in the air, and declaring that the next person who moves gets it. Which is to say that it falls exactly halfway between being “poorly thought out” and “fucking retarded.”

And if you can’t use a doormat for its intended purpose, what exactly would you do with it? Sell it on eBay? Not that I would put it past you; after all, the person who would steal a used dime-store doormat is the exact same person who has undoubtedly, at several points in their life, had a small, swarthy man named Chico calmly inform them that “you ain’t can’t have the weed if you ain’t don’t gots the cash.”

And so I scoured Craig’s List, searching for the tell-tale ad: “FOR SALE,” I imagined it would say, “Doormat, gently used – NO QUESTIONS ASKED! Serial numbers have been filed off. Am looking for best reasonable offer – cash, food, or even MetroCard swipe into subway.”

Or perhaps this doormat was of some value to you, a value that I myself did not ascertain and could only truly appreciate once it was gone from my life. In my mind’s eye I can see you running through the building, clad in an Indiana Jones leather jacket and fedora, clutching your bleeding, gunshot arm as dark-suited thugs from the Russian mob close in fast. Trapped in a corner, desperate, you wheel around, revealing a Luger held to the head of a dirty beige doormat trembling in the crook of your arm.

“Don’t do anything we’ll both regret,” says a large man who steps from the shadows, a deep scar running down the side of his face, a gloved hand removing a pair of $500 Ray Bans, revealing one eye made of milky-white glass, the other filled with a mixture of hatred and respect.

You shake your head once: “No.” You pant for breath, swallow, then add, “Tell your men to step back and give us safe conduct, Vladimir. Now. Or the only place this doormat lies is inside the entrance of a mausoleum.”

He gives you the once-over; he knows that after what went down in Morocco, where he watched a small, frayed bathroom rug die in his arms, that you’d be just crazy enough to do it. He signals to his men, and they step back, warily placing their guns halfway into their holsters.

“You’ve won this round,” he says. “But I’ll return. Even you can’t watch forever. One day you’ll be napping, or drunk, or out of your house for ten minutes to get some milk from the store. And you’ll leave that doormat alone and unguarded. And when you do, I’ll be there. And I can tell you now, I won’t have to steal it away; it will come with me, and willingly.”

And you know in your heart that he’s right. You may have that doormat for now; hell, you may even love it as much as once I did, but you’ll never own it. The tread-worn beauty that makes it a treasure is also its biggest curse. This doormat was born to roam free, my friend, and no matter what kind of care you take of it, there’s going to be a morning when you awake to find it gone, and with only the memories to sustain you.

*

MEMO #2 TO: The Neighbor Whose Wifi Signal I’ve Been Stealing – I Mean, “Sharing”

RE: Constant Service Outages

Hey “Linksys Underscore AP Underscore 77.” What’s going on here? As a comedian and writer who works from his apartment, the bulk of my day is spent e-mailing people who could potentially hire me, then checking my Fantasy Baseball team, then my MySpace page to see if any 22 year-old tattooed hotties in the East Village want to be my imaginary friend, then my blog’s statcounter to see who’s been Googling me. Between that and all the music I download from my MP3 blogs, your Internet connection is one of the most important tools of my trade. Perhaps in your selfishness, you can’t understand this; but when you aren’t responsible enough to pay your bill in a timely manner, that affects me.

As an adult I’ve learned to accept responsibility, and I’m here to tell you that it’s time that you do the same. If you don’t have the money for your high-speed Internet bill, perhaps you should get a second job. Or do what I do – call my parents and ask if you can borrow it. Don’t worry; experience shows that my parents are very lenient lenders, and won’t expect you to pay them back any time soon.

Thanks for reading this memo; I was going to e-mail you, but I don’t know your address, and even if I did, well, our Internet’s down.

*

MEMO #3 TO: The Guy in The Apartment Whose Window Faces Mine

RE: Your Strict Daily Regimen of Blasting The Same Five Metallica Songs Over and Over and Singing Along at the Top of Your Lungs, Interspersed With The Most Disturbing Deep-Throated Hacking Cough Heard Outside of a 1920s TB Ward

Hey buddy, I understand that you need a job. I know, it’s hard finding work that matches your unique skill-set. After all, I’ve been on more than one interview in my life, and the question, “Where do you see yourself in five years?” is rarely followed with, “Now, can you do an impression of Lars Ulrich as if he were about to lose a lung?”

Luckily, aside from my work solving The Thrilling Adventure of Liam McEneaney and the Case of the Missing Doormat, I seem to be blessed with not a little spare time. So I thought I’d do the neighborly thing and help you come up with some career options.

At first I thought, “Join The Army.” But then I realized that, were you to become a member of the Armed Forces, you are the guy who gets fragged by his own unit, probably somewhere during the second chorus of Unforgiven. Also, America tends to send her best and brightest sons into battle against her foes, and let’s be honest with each other – the only opposing army theat might be intimidated by an aging, phlegmatic metalhead would be the KISS Army.

Then it hit me - you could be a Wedding DJ! You’ve got the experience; by throwing your windows wide and sharing your love of mainstream speed metal, you’re already acting as a DJ for the entire neighborhood.

On the other hand, there’s only so many times that the happy couple will be able to listen to Enter Sandman before requesting that you play something a little more danceable, like Hey Ya! or The Beer-Barrel Polka. And when they do, you’re going to have to look them in the eye and say slowly and steadily, so they know that you’re completely serious, “The first time ever I heard The Black Album, I knew I was put here on this planet for one purpose and one purpose only; to share the beauty of this music with the world, whether it wants me to or not. And I know that the doctors are wrong, that this lower respiratory tract infection isn’t the Black Lung, but rather a punishment from the Demon God of Rock n’ Roll Himself for ignoring my Mission, for not playing these same five Metallica songs over and over.”

Then the groom will regroup, take a breath, and say, and say in the same gentle, patient tone of voice he would use were he placating a small child holding a loaded gun, that he completely understands where you’re coming from, but perhaps at the very least you would be so kind as to not scream along with the song, screaming long and loud like you were trying to awaken the departed souls of all the brain cells you killed smoking weed as a teenager; a teenager glorying in the profoundly adult freedoms of the Meadowland’s parking lot pre-concert bakefest.

And then you will have no choice but to slowly and dramatically take the wad of cash you were paid for the gig – and you will insist on being paid in cash, as you don’t believe in so-called banks and their “rules” about minimum balances – and then you will take that cash out of your pocket and then you will throw it in the bride’s face and then you will shriek the lyrics of Master of Puppets as loud as you can, interspersed with the juiciest lung-deep hacking coughs possible. You will shriek like The Devil unleashed from a pneumonia clinic in the deepest bowels of Metal Hell. Because no one can put a price on your art, man.

And then you should take the money back, because let’s be honest; if a couple hires a DJ for their wedding based solely on the fact that he’s five hundred dollars cheaper than the competition, and they pay him in cash in advance without asking for references or even a playlist of the kinds of records he plans to spin, said couple doesn’t deserve that fifty bucks plus carfare. And you will take that fifty bucks, and - this being the most important part – you will go out and buy a new fucking album by anyone other than Metallica.

And if there’s any money left over, and if you find it in your heart, in return for my graciousness, and my compassion and my care, and my taking the time to help a stranger in need, perhaps you would be so kind as to buy me a new doormat.

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I love YouTube as much for the randomness as for the quality. Sometimes you just have to say, "Okay, someone went and postedthe first twenty minutes of Eddie Murphy: Raw? Why not?"

What I'm saying is, enjoy the first twenty minutes of Eddie Murphy: Raw:

TODAY'S ENTRY

2007-04-30T01:09:00.000-04:00

is at BoomSalon. Enjoy it.

And you can hear me read a slightly different version of that at this show tonight.

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If you enjoyed Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz, those guys originally did a BBC show called Spaced, and thanks to the magic of the Internet and disregard for copyright law, here's the first episode:

S1E1 - Beginnings
Uploaded by mrcorbtt